John From Cincinnati
His Visit: Day One

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!
Hang Ten, Cocksucker!

By now, the mysterious surfing stranger has finished riding his wave and is walking up the beach; Upbeat Morrissey goes to greet him. "You know Mitch Yost?" Dylan McKay asks incredulously. "Mitch Yost should get back in the game," Upbeat Morrissey responds. David Milch's dialogue should start making a lick of fucking sense, Mr. Sobell observes. "You should get back in the game, Mitch Yost," Upbeat Morrissey tells the mysterious surfing stranger, who we'll assume is Mitch Yost from the point forward. Anyhow, Mitch Yost tells Upbeat Morrissey to mind his own business and Dylan McKay to go fuck himself -- not a very polite fellow, this Mitch Yost. Dylan McKay is not very polite either -- he tells Upbeat Morrissey that he's known the Yost family for twenty years and "the deal with the kid is in the works, so stay away. Or whoever's paying you better have a good health plan." Upbeat Morrissey looks confused. That's two of us, at least.

Elsewhere on the Pacific Ocean, Rebecca De Mornay is watching either an adolescent or a very wiry adult surf -- the way this show is going, I'm not ruling out either option. She tells one of the local youngsters to inform Shaun -- that's the name of the adolescent or the very wiry adult -- that "he needs to stop by the shop." She seals the deal with the promise of a free bar of wax and a half-hearted shaka and then heads off. A not-unpleasant-looking woman in her late twenties or early thirties watches Rebecca De Mornay leave and then strolls over to the other side of the boardwalk to watch Shaun, the Adolescent or Very Wiry Adult Surfer do his surfing business. I already miss the verbal interplay between Dylan McKay and Upbeat Morrissey.

Speaking of the former part of that duo, Dylan McKay is following Mitch Yost away from the beach, disavowing any responsibility for Upbeat Morrissey's odd behavior. Mitch is more concerned with the syringe he just stepped on -- "Maybe it's one of Butchie's," he says acidly to Dylan. And at the risk of getting ahead of ourselves here, I realize that Mitch is being all accusatory toward Dylan about turning his son into a junkie and all, but I think that if you or I stepped on a syringe, our reaction would be less "This gives me the chance to say something pissy to Luke Perry" and more "OH MY GOD! OH MY SWEET HEAVENLY GOD! I JUST INFECTED MYSELF! DRIVE ME TO A GODDAMN CLINIC, DYLAN!" But points for being so Zen about your introduction to Hepatitis C, Mitch. Anyhow, Dylan is all, yeah, your junkie kid tears me up inside, but bygones, and hey, did you know I'm thinking about signing your grandson to a surfing contract since he'll be competing up in Huntington Beach later today? Mitch was not aware of that last bit, or of the fact that Shaun -- the aforementioned adolescent from the previous scene -- has asked Dylan McKay to sponsor him. Mitch's glower as Dylan drives off in the Lincoln ResourceHogger suggests that he does not approve.

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John From Cincinnati




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