John From Cincinnati
His Visit: Day One

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Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!
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Hang Ten, Cocksucker!

Down in the surf shop, Butchie and John have arrived to find out just what kind of credit limit mysterious strangers from the Planet Weirdo have on their platinum cards. I'm guessing from the way the too-aggressive-to-be-entirely-playful banter flows between Butchie and Kai that they know each other; I'm also guessing from the especially emotive way that John says hello to Kai when instructed to by Butchie that he thinks she's purty. Butchie proposes a big shopping list -- wetsuit, surfboards by the multitude. Kai spoils the party by suggesting that maybe they should just start off by buying one; Butchie shoots her a look that seems to scream, "Don't mess up what I've got going on here." While John sorts through the merchandise, Butchie recounts his day for Kai -- injury settlement, heroin buy that turned out to be quinine. "Too bad you don't got malaria," Kai says archly. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Butchie asks. It means that quinine is a treatment for malaria. Do try and keep up, Butchie -- you're the one with the background in pharmacology, however amateur it may be. It is here that we learn John's full name -- John Monad. Monad, of course, has several different philosophical connotations, not the least of which is the view that everything is of one essence called the monad. Important insight into an intriguing character or pretentious wankery from a show that's trying too hard to be deep? I'm sure the debate will be spirited. The scene ends abruptly when Butchie and Kai get into an argument over Shaun -- Butchie is miffed that Kai didn't mention to him that Shaun was entering the surfing contest; Kai suggests that maybe if Butchie took a more active interest in parenting, he wouldn't need to hear about such things third-hand. Much cursing and storming out ensues. You've got that sequence down to a science, Milch.

Outside the surf shop, an agitated Butchie is still fuming over his argument with Kai and trying to get his mitts on his cell phone. John is doing his "some things I know, and some things I don't" act, so he's of very little help. His magic pocket, on the other hand, is very helpful, since Butchie reaches in it and pulls out a phone. Time for a phone call to Mitch to have it out about this whole Shaun-entering-the-world-of-competitive-surfing thing -- I'm sure the discussion will be measured and temperate. "Congratulation on being a fucking gutless cunt," Butchie screams when Mitch answers the phone. Or not. Surprisingly, Mitch is able to immediately determine who is calling him, even without the assistance of Caller ID. Anyhow, allow me to summarize their conversation, only with the cuss words removed. A few more profanities, and I think my copy of Microsoft Word will shut down in self-defense.

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John From Cincinnati

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