John From Cincinnati
His Visit: Day Six

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Mr. Sobell: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Are You There, God? It's Me, Weirdo

Butchie is back at his motel room, toweling off after his morning surfing safari -- no, Butchie! The salt water will form an effective barrier against your room's effluvia! -- when he notices that funny-talking bald guy who runs the Butchie Yost web site lurking outside the screen door. "It's a two-stop bus ride, Dwayne, from lurking outside the door to fucking turning into a full-blown homo," Butchie snarls. I believe that's a theme Edmond Rostand first explored in Cyrano de Bergerac. Dwayne would like to know if he can come in. "No," Butchie says, motioning for Dwayne to enter. "Stay the fuck outside." Mentally composing his letter to Miss Manners ("Dear Miss Manners: Is it polite to invite someone with profanities? Signed, Put Off in Imperial Beach"), Dwayne does so. Butchie asks about their cobweb-gathering web page. Apparently, Butchie has gotten the news -- his site is getting hits, hits, hits ever since Shaun's tournament victory/near-death experience. "It's the halo effect from Shaun," says Dwayne, who cuts to the reason for his visit to the Chateau Penicillin -- he thinks Shaun needs his own site. "He's already on MyTube or whatever the fuck you call it," Butchie says wearily. Don't laugh -- by the time I'm done with this recap, MySpace and YouTube probably will merge and you know what that means? Fat Google money for everyone.

Butchie's deliberate obtuseness angers Dwayne who seethes that Butchie has failed to exploit the "commercial portal capacity" of his own site. "You think that's all where it went wrong," Butchie smirks. "Me not exploiting my...portal capacity?" Well, that and the crippling smack addiction. Though perhaps that was your point. Anyhow, Dwayne points out that if Shaun doesn't set up his own site soon, his sponsor probably will do it in a way that exploits the young lad. This hits home with Butchie, who suggests that Dwayne pay Shaun a visit, especially with notorious naysayer Mitch off in Mexico and gloriously off my TV. Maybe Butchie would like to come along, Dwayne hints? "Nah, I got a butt plug exploiting my portal," Butchie snorts. Ah, Butchie -- the stand-up world lost so much when you decided to turn to surfing and intravenous drug use. Anyhow, Dwayne acts all hurt, and Butchie feels a pang of conscience, so he agrees to accompany his funny-talking webmaster along to meet with Shaun. They'll carpool in Butchie's crappy van, saving Dwayne the indignity of riding his kick-scooter halfway across town.

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John From Cincinnati

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