Previously on John From Covedale: Evil Dylan McKay wants young Shaun Yost to turn professional. His grandfather, Mitch, is opposed to it; his father, Butchie, is indifferent, as it does not involve heroin. A mysterious figure with magical pockets and capable only of parroting what other people say to him shows up -- that's your title character, ladies and gentlemen. Good luck.
Opening credits: Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world…what on account of your sudden, unexplained powers of levitation.
Our episode opens with Mitch Yost surfing in solitude off a nearly abandoned beach near the U.S.-Mexico border and… oh God, it's the exact same beginning as last week. Please don't tell me I recorded a rerun. Nope -- this is episode 2. Turns out this show is just really repetitive. Phew.
And anyhow, there's one key difference from last week -- instead of surfing under the watchful eye of Linc "Please Stop Calling Me Evil Dylan McKay As It Will Begin to Confuse People" Stark, Mitch is instead surfing under the watchful eye of the not-unpleasant-looking woman in her late twenties, early thirties who was text-messaging Linc at the end of last week's episode. So Linc is forward-thinking enough to at least outsource his stalking. Good man.
Ah, but Mitch and the not-unpleasant-woman apparently doing Linc's bidding are not the only people on the beach this morning. Just as Mitch is leaving the water, Kai -- you remember Kai? From the surf shop? -- surfs behind Mitch and bellows, "Hey, old man!" Mitch seems not entirely pleased to see her. Or maybe he just hates being reminded of his own mortality. I know my dad hates it when I begin our phone calls with "What? You're still around?" Anyhow, the not-unpleasant-woman frowns at the sight of Kai and begins busily text messaging again -- perhaps she hates being reminded of people's mortality, too.
No, she's frowning because apparently Kai's presence threatens her potential face time with Mitch -- she's waiting at Mitch's car as Kai and Mitch walk up from the beach. "Is she a fan of yours?" Kai wonders. "All my fans are in retirement homes," Mitch snorts. Or hanging out on Nowhere Man fan sites -- same thing, really. But it turns out the not-unpleasant-looking woman is a fan of Mitch -- she introduces herself as Cass (saving me the trouble of typing out "not-unpleasant-looking woman in her late twenties, early thirties" ever again) and said she saw Mitch at Pipe Master back when she was 15 and had something of a crush on the surfing legend. Mitch doesn't recall her; Kai makes the international hand gesture for "Can you believe this nonsense?" Anyhow, Cass says she's a filmmaker -- that's Kai's cue to exit stage right, rolling her eyes -- and that she'd love, love, love to make a documentary about Mitch. Mitch is more interested in eyeballing her car, a classic convertible. "I like vintage," purrs Cass. "What can I say?" Uh…we still talking about cars here? Cass hands Mitch a card, and asks him to consider her generous offer. About making a movie of him? Well, I'm sure that's part of her generous offer.