John From Cincinnati
His Visit: Day Two

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!
Wait, So Now The Parrot's Jesus?

Ah, but this is no time for levity. No sooner has Freddy landed his blow than the ground begins shaking. Butchie tells John not to panic since temblors like this happen all the time. A panicky John would seem to be the least of anyone's worries, since he's just standing there calmly. "What do you want, Butchie Yost?" John asks pointedly. Maybe for the goddamn ground to stop shaking. That's what everyone else seems to want. In the motel office, Ramon and Dickstein are taking refuge under a door frame -- Dickstein thinks this is a fine time to remind Cunningham that he had the lawyer waive physical inspections in order to speed up closing on the property. In Bill's house, the birds are squawking and Bill's getting increasingly more nervous and agitated -- in fairness, this same scene might have been going down, earthquake or no. Bill puts in a call to Anderson at the police station to ask if there was an earthquake; clearly, Anderson's had it up to here with Bill's calls today because his unheard response makes Bill even more agitated. Again, I'm not sure the earthquake is entirely to blame for Bill's suddenly unpredictable behavior.

The earthquake is also felt up in Huntington, where Shaun is still surfing. Correction -- where Shaun was surfing. A wave comes along and knocks him off his board. The Yosts hope that the judges weren't watching this rare slip-up; soon, they hope that their grandson resurfaces, because he hasn't yet. "He never came up," Kai bellows from the beach -- as if to confirm, we cut to a shot of Shaun floating face-down in the water. Mitch sprints down the pier -- pretty quickly for a guy with bone-on-bone action going on in one of his knees. Anyhow, everyone seems very concerned.

Back at Bill's, the swing in the cage of Zippy the Once-Dead Parrot is still swinging back and forth as a result of the earthquake, which Bill takes as confirmation that it was a temblor, after all. As opposed to what? Termites? A heretofore-undiscovered volcano in the greater San Diego area? A mob of angry people who had just sat through Dutch and are clamoring for vengeance? Whatever, Bill's apparently happy that it's a minor temblor because it's proof that he hasn't lost his mind. Oh, I'm sure you can find plenty of proof if you just search hard enough. Bill flips on the TV and sits down in the middle of the floor to bask in the loving reassurance of daytime television. That might be your proof right there.

Back at the Snug Harbor, Ramon is answering a phone call in the office, while Butchie and John hold their respective jaws and receive more life lessons from Freddy the Drug Dealer. "Instead of what you want to see, see what the fuck is in front of you," Freddy says. "That's how you get 17 safe deposits." Really, he should write a self-help book -- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Drug Dealers. ("Chapter One: See what the fuck is in front of you.") Ramon interrupts Freddy's latest inspirational speech to let Butchie know he has a phone call -- it's Mitch phoning from Huntington and the conversation is not pleasant. "You piece of shit," Mitch begins. "What's with your fucking phone?" Butchie protests that the battery died. "Yeah, what a shock," Mitch sneers. But Mitch didn't call up just to verbally abuse his son -- he also needs to inform him that Shaun broke his neck. So yeah -- really upbeat phone call then. Something for AT&T to use in a revived "Reach out and touch someone" campaign. Shaun is getting airlifted to a local hospital -- at least they won't use surface streets this time. "Of course, if you gave any kind of shit," Mitch practically spits, "I wouldn't have to be telling you all this. Because you would've been here." Butchie protests that nobody told him Shaun was going to be up in Huntington -- "Your battery's dead, Butchie," Mitch says accusingly. "So how come you didn't stop to tell me on the way out of town," Butchie counters. "Because it would have been a waste of gas," Mitch says flatly. Phone call over. That's AT&T -- reach out and touch some deadbeat you hold in utter contempt!

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John From Cincinnati




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