Judging Amy
Culture Clash

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
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Culture Clash

Amy goes to see MacNeil. They talk. No one cares. But I have a contract with Mighty Big TV, and so I must, at least, give you the gist of the conversation: MacNeil is gay. He already went through a big old trauma to clear his name. He doesn't want to do it again. He wants to protect his dignity. Because retiring after being accused of propositioning a hooker in his office is soooooo dignified.

DCF. Brother al Jamal and Mrs. al Jamal have come to see Maxine. Brother admits that it was he who attacked his sister, because he felt that the gossip regarding her virginity was a stain on the family. He was worried that his father would kill Ayesha, and he believed that if he merely hurt her, it would be enough. In fact, he stabbed her to save her life. He's all weepy-eyed. Mrs. al Jamal strokes his hair. He sobs that he loves his sister. Maxine says that they're going to have to talk to the police, but she tells Mrs. al Jamal that now, Ayesha can come home. Maxine Gray: 735,345. The Dark Lord: 0

Back at the Ranch, Maxine finds Evie sitting on the front porch. She's leaving. Forever! Maxine tells Evie that when she was younger, unwed mothers went to group homes, and their babies to orphanage, and she had to walk five miles, uphill, both ways, in the snow, to school, and all they had to eat was hay and they were grateful! She sighs that Peter and Gillian really want Evie's baby, and that she, Maxine, just didn't want to see anyone take advantage of that. Evie pouts. Maxine apologizes for hurting Evie's feelings, but explains that she would do anything to protect her children. She tells Evie that Peter and Gillian will be the same way. Evie whines that Maxine made her feel bad when all she is doing is giving Peter and Gillian something that they want; it's not like actually thinks they're all friends. Maxine huffs that if Evie wants the best for her child, she'll stay, but if she has "other priorities," then maybe she ought to go.

Ranch. Dinner table. Maxine reads from Vincent's book to the rest of the family. I'll spare you the prose, except to say that it sounds actually pretty good. Vincent squeezes his face up and looks like he'd rather rip out his own internal organs with a weed whacker than listen to his work read aloud, but everyone else is paying rapt attention. The whole family is thrilled by Vincent's talent, except Gillian who totally doesn't get the end of the story. Evie takes this cozy family moment to walk in and explain to dumb Gillian that the ending of the story is a "metaphor." Much rejoicing at her return commences. She is served pie. Vincent would like to move on to any other subject in the universe, including his brush with death, but the rest of the family clambers for another story. Vincent slides so far down in his chair that he almost ends up under the table. He's saved by the bell, as the doorbell rings, and Slater and Zach walk in, looking for Screech. Oops, I mean, the Ex In-Laws return Lauren.

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Judging Amy

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