Judging Amy
The Persistence Of Tectonics

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The Persistence Of Tectonics

In chambers, Bruce informs Amy that she's the on-call judge for the Thanksgiving weekend. She extrapolates that it's because she's a woman. Bruce tells her that it's because she's new. Amy whines some more, and then gets mad at Bruce for not being more sympathetic to her plight. Bruce just grins and tells her that he doesn't "do sympathetic." Bruce is the only reason, thus far, that I have not polished off this entire bottle of Cuervo in a desperate attempt to render myself unconscious. After watching Survivor the other night, I decided that I would like to be stranded on a deserted island with him, and Vincent, and make them perform feats of strength as they battle for my affections. That would be an interesting show. Which is the opposite of what this is. Amy checks out Bruce's ass as he walks out of the room, and then, after much sighing and self-pity, sits at her desk and calls her soon to be ex-husband, Michael, inviting him to have Thanksgiving at the Ranch.

At the Ranch, Maxine feeds Socrates, the dog, a Swiss cheese omelet with proscuitto, mushrooms and tomatoes. She explains to Amy that the dog eats as well as he does because "he earns his keep." This episode taking place prior to the "Amy finally pays Maxine rent" episode and all, I can only assume that this is a hint to Her Honor, the Cheapskate, to kick in some cash for her keep. Amy, the blockhead, doesn't get it, and starts whining, again, about the dry toast she has to eat for breakfast. Instead of asking Amy if her arms are broken, and, if not, why she can't make her own damn omelets, Maxine just smiles. Enter Vincent, who announces that he will be attending "a thing" at his agent's house, instead of the family Thanksgiving. Maxine doesn't care, because she's going to The Dinner Bell for the meal. She's sick of having to do all the work at Thanksgiving, without any help or appreciation. I can say this speech word for word along with Maxine because my mother has been making it for fifteen years. While I understand Maxine's point of view, doncha think she would have announced this more than two days before Thanksgiving? Just wondering. Insert more crying and moaning and self-pity from Amy at this point, and more shots of tequila and lime chasers from me. Maxine says she's going to "reclaim the night." Vincent and Amy exchange bemused glances. Well, Vincent's is bemused. Amy's is a mixture of murderous rage and incredulity. Amy then starts in about how Lauren needs stability, blah, blah, blah guiltcakes, like, Amy, newsflash: You Are Her Mother. You're the one responsible for Lauren, not Maxine. God! Maxine calmly suggests that Lauren accompany her to the Dinner Bell. Then Amy gets all wiggy, and blurts out that the real reason she needs them to have Thanksgiving at home is because she invited Michael. Because, she explains, Lauren misses her Dad. Vincent rolls his eyes at his coffee cup, and comments that he's sorry he's going to have to miss the meal. Amy brats that she'll cook the dinner herself. Maxine and Vincent burst into laughter, as Amy shifts the Brat into overdrive, swearing that she can totally do it herself, and gets her panties in a knot, because Maxine isn't "supporting" her in the endeavor. Maxine retorts that she "didn't support Mondale either," because she knows a disaster when she sees one. Oh, burn. Lauren runs in and shows the family the place cards she's made for Thanksgiving dinner, announcing that she plans to sit between Mommy and Daddy, a place Vincent dubs "ringside seats." Amy tosses a bitchy look at him, and hustles Lauren out the door for school. Vincent and Maxine just smile at each other. I think, secretly, they hate her as much as I do.

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Judging Amy

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