Judging Amy
The Persistence Of Tectonics

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The Persistence Of Tectonics

And Kobe passes to Shaq for the alley-op -- sorry. I switched over to something else for a sec. My bad. Carry on.

Amy drives Lauren to school. She's prattling about having her Daddy at Thanksgiving, and wonders if Michael and Amy are getting back together. They have the "If Mommy And Daddy Love Each Other, Why Don't They Live Together?" conversation for about two seconds, before Amy gets tired of her daughter having emotions and questions and suggests they play a game. It turns out to be a stupid game in which Amy asks Lauren all kinds of questions about what she would do should she find herself in a threatening situation. I guess Amy has never heard of "I Spy."

In the courtroom, the Frat's counsel is giving his summation; he talks for a long time, but what he basically says is that these boys are set to head off to college soon enough, and it would be shortsighted of Amy to deprive them of the four years of watered-down beer, roofies cocktails and Cliffs Notes which await them, simply because they happened to set a kitty cat aflame. Dude! Amy, probably thinking of the scores of freshman girls who are destined to convince themselves that they are in love with Fratty or Frattier, only to one day find themselves writing Fratty's papers for him, or making excuses for Frattier's romantic indiscretions (not that, you know, I know whereof I speak or anything), doesn't take the bait. She calls the boys "vicious butchers" and wonders if they're perhaps "two budding Jeffrey Dahmers." She sentences them to three weeks of psychological testing, before she feels ready to counsel them. She reminds the assembled masses that "two cats are not 'nothing.'" Well, it feels wrong to type this, but: Go, Amy!

At the Ranch, Gillian follows Maxine into the kitchen. She looks all weepy and depressed -- Gillian, I mean. Maxine looks like she wants Gillian to skedaddle so that she can break into the liquor cabinet for her afternoon picker-upper. Gillian makes small talk, as Maxine builds a fire, but finally comes around to the point of her visit: she and Peter have given up on in vitro fertilization, and want to talk to Maxine about adoption. Gillian tries to put a brave face on it, but you can tell she still really has her heart set on a baby born of her own body. She cries, and explains that Peter doesn't understand that she "can't let go of her baby." Yes, Gillian, that is because Peter is an idiot, and understands nothing. Maxine asks how much another round of in vitro would set them back. Gillian explains that she doesn't want Maxine to pay for it, she just wanted to talk to someone about it. Maxine wonders if Peter would even go along with another round of in vitro, and tells Gillian that she'll think about loaning them the cash. Although that's not what Gillian came to ask her. See, Maxine knows what people want before they even want it.

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Judging Amy

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