Just Annihilate Them

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Colton was probably the worst thing the show had foisted on the public since Elisabeth Hasselbeck (oh, calm down -- she's fine), but he was felled by the most heroic stomach bug of all time, so the show panicked and merged the tribes super early and thus the 12-person monstrosity voted Jonas out last week because... no reason, really. Also, Tarzan washed his poopy pants with Chelsea's non-poopy pants.

The Jonas vote-out was pretty standard, so there were no late-night rantings and ravings after tribal. The next morning, Troyzan and Jay the Model are beach-walking and talking strategy. I have to admit something right off the bat: I am, much to my surprise, really into Jay the Model. When the season started, he seemed a little dumb, a smidge stupid, perhaps a bit of a dim bulb. But as One World went on and almost all of my hatred was funneled into Colton and Alicia (with a bit held over for Tarzan), Jay started seeming like a better option. And while he's not going to be giving up his cushy gig wearing underpants for a living to go to grad school or anything, it turns out he has a decent grasp of what's happening in this game. Case in point: this talk with Troyzan, where they're appropriately wary of being on the shallow side of the gender imbalance. The show kind of plays it like it might be a sexist thing -- Jay's askeered of the powerful castrating women -- but considering the game started with gender-aligned teams, Jay's absolutely right to be worried that whatever original women's alliance there was would re-form now. Anyway, on the ominous note of a women's alliance (and after a generous shot of the boys' butts from the POV of, perhaps, one of the island's free-range chickens) we hit the credits.

After the break, we're back with Jay and Troyzan, who have reached the tree-mail tree and have re-tree-ved (sorry) a message in a bottle. Specifically a 7Up bottle. Troyzan, who's more of a wild man than I gave him credit for, is all, "Someone's havin' a party!" Because: 7Up! Also, Jay obligingly says "the un-cola" at least twice, which is hilarious to me because A) I love when reality TV people pitch the sponsors without even having to be asked, because they're that well-versed in TV, and B) hasn't "the un-cola" been 7Up's marketing pitch for at least ten years? Doesn't 7Up itself seem like an antiquated brand that we'll soon recall like we recall RC Cola or Tab? Didn't Sierra Mist totally cut 7Up off at the knees? Remember when those little red dot characters were everywhere? For this and other remembrances of pop commercials of yore, please visit my web site, Anyway, the tribe correctly guesses that the 7Up bottle means that the reward challenge will be for some 7Up. Guess Jay's not the only one who's smarter than he seems.

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