Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A+ | 6 USERS: A+
Shoot 'Em Up

Okay, I have to indulge in an aside here: It seems a LOT of people took this speech to mean that Shelby is Drew Thompson. I admit it could possibly make sense from a dramatic standpoint, but I think there are MANY logistical issues that make that theory problematic; in other words, if it does turn out Shelby is Thompson, I'm likely going to be writing a paragraph or two on why I think it doesn't make sense. I do think Shelby might have been close to Thompson and have an agenda in the investigation, but that's not the same thing at all. Still, if it turns out to be the case, maybe the show will change my mind on the feasibility of his conduct up until now.

In any case, we have more pressing issues to deal with, as Ellen May guesses that her first step in becoming respectable would be "to get right with the Lord," and Shelby gets REALLY close to drawing a confession out of her -- but he gets a phone call we'll see he needs to deal with.

But in other urgent matters, Colton is knocking on someone's door, and it turns out it's the scumbag drug dealer for whom Tim tragically refused to strip a couple episodes ago. Apparently, he's also the guy to whom the dude with his balls in extreme jeopardy sent Colton for heroin, and the dealer can't believe Colton has already blown through the amount he sold him not two days earlier. That being the extent of the guy's drug counseling, though, he invites Colton in, but Colton refuses to strip, just like the time before.

This time, though, the drug dealer gives him attitude and a glimpse of the gun in his waistband, but Colton, unfazed, asks him for a loan of twenty grand. When the drug dealer, predictably enough, gets snarky in response, Colton laughs a laugh of the truly damned before asking the guy how he lives with a gun so close to his balls -- does he keep the chamber empty, or is the safety just on? Having been called out, the guy goes for his piece, but Colton is too quick for him, and the struggle ends with Colton discharging six -- SIX -- rounds into the guy's neck. I guess I should note that that brings the body count for the episode up to four (that is, if the guard died, which I'm assuming given the sound effects he did). Further updates to follow.

With the guy dead, Colton looks around and quickly finds a large amount of cash, so everything's chill -- until he hears a crashing noise from the kitchen. With gun drawn, he goes to investigate -- and finds, in his underwear, Tim's idiot Army friend, Mark. Oh, this is not going to be good. Mark, keeping his eyes closed, tries to sell the idea that he didn't see anything, but Colton informs him that he witnessed the whole thing when he entered. Damn, Mark had to find a heroin addict who could still keep things together. Colton gets Mark to open his eyes, whereupon he recognizes him from the VA hospital...

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