The Hatchet Tour

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 6 USERS: A+
And The Winner Is…

Tim straight-up asks if Colton killed Mark and I don't know if Colton -- his eyes heavy with the drugs -- decides that his life has become too unmanageable to continue, but whatever his thought process, he draws his gun (from his waistband and I wonder if the chamber is empty, like he called to the scumbag drug dealer) and holds it at his side. Tim warns him that whatever he's thinking would be unwise -- "you're not drawin' on junkies and dealers now" -- but at that moment, Boyd steps in to intervene. Tim does not allow his aim to be distracted, but Boyd smoothly essays an apology for his "associate's" behavior and asks if Tim might allow him to collect Colton, adding that his "transgressions" will be punished. Boyd may have no problem lying to authority, but when it comes to matters of discipline, his word is a lot more to be trusted. Upon Boyd ordering him to do so, Colton puts his gun away, whereupon Tim eventually lowers his weapon. But if Colton hadn't sealed the idea that Tim's going to come after him come hell or high water, the little obviously fake cough he gives Tim as he passes will do the job. Hope it was worth it, Colton! Outside, Boyd assures Colton that they'll get to the bottom of everything, and after having the waiting Johnny take Colton's keys to drive his truck back, they take off. Colton, even if you're not tired, I'd suggest at least pretending to sleep on the ride back.

Ah, here's Bob, keeping a eye on Lee Manners' place, as requested. He gets a text that he doesn't look too thrilled about, and then he's knocking on the door. Lee Manners -- shotgun in hand -- drunkenly greets him, but when Bob nervously tells him that he's been tasked by the marshals to get a meeting together, Lee Manners supposes the marshals must be having a hard time if they're trusting Bob to work for them. "What, did they run out of chimpanzees on their way down the food chain?" Rude! Not just in a vacuum, but because Bob obviously feels the same social inferiority to these people that Boyd did until very recently. Lee Manners adds that some very bad men are coming to get him and Johns, so Bob might want to make himself scarce. But Bob sticks his foot in the closing door and gets some further insults for his trouble, one of which is a suggestion for him to go play cops and robbers in the mirror. Bob starts walking away, breathing hard in frustration, until he pauses and, looking kind of pleased with himself, says aloud, "You go play asshole in the mirror, Lee!" I'm not sure I've ever seen on-screen homage paid to George Costanza's "jerk store" line, and I'd bet that this scenario -- with Bob heading back to Lee Manners' door -- is going to turn out about as well. He yells through the door, at which point Lee Manners, all fake and oily civility gone, opens back up and, loading his shotgun, says he told Bob to get off his property. Bob draws his gun in response, which is enough for Johns, who's at least as many sheets to the wind as Lee Manners, to appear and note that the "midget police" has arrived. They giggle in Bob's face...

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