Fall Pilot Season: Kath & Kim

by Lauren Gitlin October 10, 2008
Kath & Kim Premiere

The scene opens on a woman's feet swinging in an elliptical machine above a floor carpeted with a zebra rug. The camera pans out and we see Molly Shannon in her finest '80s aerobic workout gear -- bright purple leggings and leotard -- with a headset on, giggling confirmation for what sounds to be a date: "The Moonwalk at 6:30. Can't wait!" She tells the person on the other end of the line that he's a naughty Ned and then sighs about how "gorge" Lisa Rinna is on the Today Show. The (we assume) guy on the other end must be telling her that she looks like Rinna, because she's all mock-modest, "You think?! I never heard that before!" Her squealing is interrupted by the sound of breaks and a car door slamming. She hops off her machine and looks out the window to see a young woman unpacking her car. Molly mutters "What is SHE doing here!?" and then excuses herself from her gentleman phone-caller with an "I'll call you later sexy beast."

Selma Blair wheels her suitcase up the walk to the front door and lets out a shriek: "MOM!" Molly comes down the stairs as Selma enters (wearing hot pants and a belly shirt), but before she can ask what the hell she's doing there, Selma lets it out: "Mom, I'm getting a divorce. It's over. O-V-U-R." Molly tries to reason with her, saying, "Kimmy you can't get a divorce, you just got married," but Selma -- er, Kim stops her dead, invoking the phrase all mothers dread hearing from their daughters, "He wanted me to... DO things." Molly's strangely intrigued, until Kim corrects her, saying, "No, like, things. Like make dinner and crap like that." As she huffs up the stairs, Molly continues trying to talk her down, telling her she's being stupid. Kim whips around and exhorts, "Is Britney SPEARS stupid? Is Melanie GRIFFYNETHS stupid? Because they all left bad marriages! Could you get my bag?"

Molly chases her down the hall and proceeds to try to diffuse the situation, which apparently consists of Kim moving back in with her mother. And we get a rear shot of her get-up, so now it becomes clear that the leotard is of the thong variety. NICE! Kim barrels straight for her girlhood room, but Molly tries to stop her. She busts in and sees that her mother's converted it into her home gym. "What did you do to my room? You turned it into a freakin' Curves!" Then apparently getting distracted, she notices the d├ęcor. "Oh, hey, that zebra rug is cute!" But then reality sets in and she starts to melt down again, asking her mom where all her Care Bears went. "If you took Teddy Vedder to the Salvation Army, I'm gonna freak out."

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