Fall Pilot Season: Kath & Kim

by Lauren Gitlin October 10, 2008
Kath & Kim Premiere

Later on, Craig's planted in front of the TV watching that blasted wedding video in what appears to be his apartment, sprawled on a black leather sectional. Kath bursts in and announces that he must get Kim to move back in. She explains that her budding romance is being ruined by Kim's constant presence. Kath levels with Craig and says that if he really loves Kim and wants her back, he's going to have to accept who she is and give up everything, like she's been doing for 27 years. Craig whines that he thought marriage was about having a best friend and a companion to go through life with. Kath pauses from cleaning up the coffee table strewn with pizza boxes to say, "Well then, maybe you should've married a dog." True dat, sistah! Or something. I dunno, I'm not married but it sounds like sound advice.

Next, we see Kath running up to meet Kim at the mall. Kim, as usual, is exasperated and confides that Craig's been texting her. She makes a show of deleting all his messages and Kath chides her, saying that she can't just delete him from her life, he's her husband. Apparently tuning her out, Kim looks up and says that she needs to get an outfit for her new MySpace picture. Kath says she doesn't approve of Kim dating while she's still married, and Kim successfully distracts her, reminding her that they are at the mall, which results in Kath going on a tangent about a cute top she saw with a zipper that goes "all the way down to your petunia." Kim informs her that she has to eat first and that she hears the Greek has a good wrap. Kath resists, saying that she can't eat another man's sandwich now that she's with Phil, but Kim insists that it's not even technically a sandwich, it's a wrap so it doesn't count. Kim sidles up to the counter and orders a tuna wrap and Kath guiltily orders the same. She wheels around, only to see Phil staring up at her accusingly from the level below. She hurls her wrap onto the floor and yells out "Phil, it's not what you think!" and chases after him, screaming.

Next we see her back on her elliptical machine, fighting back tears. Kim busts in wearing an outfit that looks like hand-me-downs from the set of Blossom. She informs her mom that she needs her to take her pic for her MySpace page letting people know that she's newly single. Kath tells her to leave her alone, ASAP. Kim gets defensive, saying that it's not her fault that Phil broke up with her because she cheated on him with a sandwich. She says he was a loser anyway, and Kath, distraught, hops off her machine to wag her finger in her daughter's face, insisting that he was a winner. Kim voice-overs that her mom isn't that bad, because when she's really bad she listens to Cher on full blast. No sooner are the words uttered than we hear the strains of "I Found Someone." Kim's facial expression registers this, finally.

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