Kathy does stuff. Joe weecaped it so I don't have to bother. Yay.
I'm back. Did you miss me? Yeah, I bet not. But here we go with the actual A-List Awards. I have to say, it is a good thing they are short, because like, these get over late. Things that start after 10 PM usually get watched the next morning/evening in the Cohn household so that I can get in some X-Box time. Tonight's special, or something, so I'm making an exception.
Kathy's stretched out on the piano, wearing the second dress she wore on the red carpet. Marc Shaiman (who only Broadway theater geeks like me know) is tickling the ivories and wrote the music for this number. Kathy disses Britney, Oprah, Seacrest, Dr. Phil and gets in profanity before the chorus. "When I call you a bitch it is filled with love." I feel the same way. She actually sings better than I would have expected. Kenneth from 30 Rock looks a bit shell-shocked -- do you think his schtick is just an act?
She takes a time out from her song to do a little rant about Mariah Carey and Tatum O'Neal. Then its time for Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan and Barbara Walters to take their lumps via song. "That lovely stench your wiffin', comes from deep in Kathy Griffin." Classy. If you hadn't guessed by this point... this is not like every other awards show on the air. Which is probably for the best.
The camera pans the big wide audience, we were safely hidden in the balcony, so hopefully I'll be spared from seeing my own mug on TV. Kathy's doing some stand-up in which she plans to say offensive things until she gets fired. Other hosts would never do this because they are on "real networks."
Her first step in getting axed is to do an awards show "quick change" live on stage. Something she was asked not to do. We see her duct taped boobs and her Spanx as she gets bleeped out for curse words talking about the loner dress she's got from Michael Kors. She totters out on stage with three seconds to spare, doing her best faux fashion model walk, cheeks all sucked in and everything.
Judah Friedlander is giving away the award for "A-List Female" and says that the winner gets the added bonus of sleeping with him. Him and a trucker hat. Irresistible. Dana Delany gets the first big head trophy. She's wearing hipster glasses, references the Real Housewives and even plays along with Judah's joke. Who knew she had such a vicious sense of humor? I think I like her more now. Not enough to start watching Desperate Housewives again, mind you. But more.