Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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The Sucking Is About To Commence

Joe's not here this week. I think he's in LA, beating up those Million Dollar Listing jackasses. He might also stop in and tell the Millionaire Matchmaker to take a break with the bronzer. He does it all for us.

Kathy E-mail Watch: Joe R. is still waiting forlornly by his virtual mailbox. Come on, Kathy -- I can vouch for him, he's totally not crazy. And if you e-mail him and he starts stalking you, I'll provide you with free legal representation to help get a restraining order. So really, you've got nothing to lose by writing to him.

Kathy's starting stand-up is about how Jennifer Lopez had to sneak in a side entrance at an award show to avoid PETA protesting her fur-wearing ass. Kathy jokes that she would have posed for photos while they tossed paint on her and used it as her Christmas card. If she shows up at the Grammies wearing some of the wigs we've seen, she might get that chance, because a few of them do look like the pelt of some spectacular red rodent.

Kathy drives up to some kind of photo shoot, telling us that since she's won the Emmy, she hasn't had to resort to her normal crass publicity-seeking schemes. Like officiating at a wedding. Or opening a school in Mexico. None of that for her. Instead, she's shooting a cover for some magazine. I couldn't tell if it was "American Way" or "American Wig." Either one seems appropriate. They asked her to bring her Emmy with her, and then posed her at a bus stop like some fabulous Emmy-winning hobo. (For all my bitching, Kathy's hair/wig truly looks amazing during the photo shoot. The stuff on her head looks so much better since she stopped letting her untrained former spouse style it.) And then they pose her with a Chihuahua. And then some hot dreadlocked passerby. He's kind of charismatic, in a creepy way, and he and Kathy bond over an apparent love of Family Guy and cocktail wieners. (For a few seconds, I thought they were blurring the passerby's package, like what's up with that? Is it that enormous and/or disturbing that they can't show it on Bravo? But it turns out it was just, like, water on the camera lens.) Kathy interviews that her Emmy is getting worn out, so she needs to win a new award.

And that's the intro to a bit about Kathy's campaign to win a Grammy. She goes to New York to meet with her record execs who are going to re-brand her. They have ideas about a photo shoot and billboard -- it's kind of a photo story about a celebrity gone bad. (And the album is going to be called For Your Consideration. If you love Kathy, you'll go buy it. Or you could show your love for Christopher Guest, and buy his movie of the same name.) Kathy thinks that she'll either win a Grammy or get the record execs fired.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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