Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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The Sucking Is About To Commence

Next it's an interview and a photo shoot with some old people's magazine. Kathy gives her mother an outfit to wear, and then threatens her with a nursing home if she dares to shove a wadded up tissue in the pocket. Maggie doesn't know how she'll survive without some emergency sneeze protection on her person. The magazine reporter is named Dave -- he's an older guy with a straw hat. Kathy jokes about how Dave is clearly smitten with Maggie, and offers to get a couple of condoms and leave them alone. And then there's a photoshoot, and Maggie ends up on the cover of Eldr Magazine. Sic, obviously.

And now Kathy's meeting with a bunch of folks who are going to be involved with marketing her album. They show her the album cover, and then some ads they'll use to promote the album and her Grammy bid. Kathy interviews that she's a marketing genius, as demonstrated by the successful plan she hatched to get on television when she was a little girl, which involved her being funny and swearing a lot. She also interviews that she loves being surrounded by sycophants who show her pictures of herself and tell her how wonderful she is. Well, duh, who doesn't? Why do you think I took this gig? Commercials.

Kathy's at home with Maggie, showing her the album artwork. Kathy makes Maggie read the names of the tracks out loud, but Maggie refuses to read the word "pussy." Or the word "fuck." Eh, just give her another box of wine and ask again later. Maggie is shocked by all the photos of Kathy looking like Amy Winehouse, and interviews that she thinks you need to be able to sing to win a Grammy. Kathy thinks that gumption is all she needs to with the damn award. And then it gets very surreal, as Kathy fantasizes about how winning the Grammy will make all her childhood enemies feel bad. And then her faced gets morphed onto a billboard and she tells the whole world to suck it. "By the end of the Grammies, a lot of people will have sucked it." The line forms behind me.

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LTG is a pension lawyer in Washington, D.C., which explains why he's so mean and bitter. If Kathy really wants to cheese off Joe R., she should e-mail LTG.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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