Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Monty Ashley: A- | Grade It Now!
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A Star-Studded Spectacular

Previously: It has just occurred to me that Kathy's role in Bette Midler's "Vegas Spectacular" was essentially "whore lying in the gutter." So it doesn't really make sense to use the line "I don't come to your job and slap the dicks out of your mouth" line in that context, because Kathy's character, see, would already be ... you know what? Never mind. I think I'd need a diagram or something. Let's push on.

Kathy's in a limo for the Grammy Nomination Event. Not the actual Grammy Awards Event. She's going to be standing around in a hallway or something (she's not clear on the details, having never been in the running for a nomination before) when someone will tell her whether or not she's nominated. Then she might get to walk through a curtain. Tom thinks she probably didn't need to dress up quite as much as she did. But the Event does have a red carpet and some photographers. And LL Cool J, who promises Kathy he'll vote for her. Kathy is pleased that he likes dick jokes. Taylor Swift (who I learn from the caption is "Country Music's Britney") and Kathy form a secret voting bloc, in which they'll vote for each other. Kathy's seen Survivor.

Kathy also schmoozes Ne-Yo, whose album title she doesn't actually know. Incidentally, I think she's got a different hair color than usual. It's, um, richer. Or deeper or something. When we see her interviewing about the thug life she's now living, she's practically blonde. I'm not here to judge. A lady can wear whatever she wants on her head. Kathy (with a third color) interviews that it's delightful to mingle with her musical peers.

Christina Aguilera accurately calls Kathy on her lie when she claims to have seen Aguilera's baby. Normally, when you tell someone they have a cute kid, they just go along with it and don't demand dates and birth weight. Then Christina pats Kathy's butt as she leaves, which kind of baffles Kathy. And me, frankly.

Backstage, Kathy still doesn't know if she's been nominated, so someone in a headset goes off to check the stage manager's list. And she has! Hooray! Team Griffin is elated! Kathy claims, "My scheme worked!" I think she'd rather be nominated via a complicated scheme than by an album that was honestly deserving of it. At least, for the purposes of this show, in which Kathy Griffin (the character) is always scheming and plotting to claw her way up the Fame Ladder. But, as so often happens on this show, Kathy Griffin (the character) is brought back down to Earth quickly. As she's walking to her car (and calling out "Hey, everyone! I'm nominated for a Grammy!" some offscreen drunk guy asks, "Are you Joan Rivers's daughter?" Zing! Of course, Kathy says that she is.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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