Kathy E-mail Watch: Nothing yet, but hearing from Kathy after one recap would be somewhat anti-climactic, and I feel she has a better sense of timing than that.
Kathy opens with some stand-up about the lagging sales of her "Everybody Can Suck It" t-shirts. I can understand that. I'd much rather buy a shirt that said "Wheat Sale" on it, but I'm esoteric like that. Kathy gathers Team Griffin and announces that they'll soon be touring in Tom's hometown (some bumfuck burg in Missouri), as well as Tiffany's hometown (some bumfuck burg in California), and this is important because Kathy wants to use their local celebrity to push the merch. She ponders a sales contest, and when prizes like hugs and blowjobs are met with (at best) indifference, Tiffany suggests new Blackberries. Shaking down the boss...Tiffany's really come so far in one short year, hasn't she?
Kathy has the merch people over for a meeting about her lagging apparel sales, and since she's suggesting an "Everybody Can Suck It" shirt, obviously this is the perfect time to bring her mother in on the discussion. Maggie takes generous gulps of wine at the sight of Kathy Griffin boxers; she doesn't care for "Everybody Can Suck It," but at least she thinks "Holy Fuckballs" will sell.
So, okay, there's "D-List," and then there's going on Tom Green's internet talk show that he broadcasts out of his house. I don't even think you have to be on a list to do that gig. Tom appears to have gone even balder in the years since he's faded from the public view. He and Kathy banter for a bit about Woz and Woz's affinity for Bob's Big Boy, before Coolio shows up at Tom's door. See what I mean about not having to be on a list? You've won an Emmy now, Kathy. You should be on Tyne Daly's internet talk show fielding questions from Ted Danson. Kathy and Coolio talk about how they met on some Funniest Home Videos-type show, then Coolio gets to plug his upcoming show on the rebranded Oxygen (where yellow is the new pink and nothing is what it seems). Oh, corporate synergy, how you disgust me.
Anyway, proving that even the slummiest gigs can have an upside, Kathy gets an idea from Grammy-winning Coolio that she should go for a Grammy as well. She calls up this gay-focused record label (which...okay, but how many Scissor Sisters albums can one label crank out in a year?) and speaks to this guy Matt. He suggests going for the Best Spoken Word category, and when he explains how that category has seen the likes of Bill Clinton and Maya Angelou, Kathy's intrigued, though it seems they settle on gunning for Best Comedy Recording instead. Because it "makes sense." Whatever. Kathy knows why the caged bird sings! Why won't you let her tell everyone?? Kathy interviews that she wants to record the album on her tour stop in Tracy, CA (Tiffany's hometown), because that venue has great acoustics.