Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Suck It, Jesus, Team Griffin Wants Crackberries!

On to St. Louis, hometown of Nelly! And also Tom! Kathy decides to invent a holiday called Tom Vize Day to better capitalize on the whirlwind of publicity Tom's return to Missouri will no doubt cause. They hit up the local radio stations, and Tom, like the lovable goober he is, can't really think of anything to say, so Kathy does all the talking. I am as shocked as you are. The radio guys play a faked-up version of "Bette Davis Eyes" that makes fun of Tom's porn-watching habits, then the mayor of St. Louis shows up to officially declare it Tom Vize Day. Kathy, sadly, does not advise the listening audience to celebrate Tom Vize Day by going home from work early and beating off.

Tom's brother, Bill, stops by Team Griffin's hotel room at the Westin (ah, the Westin -- gooooood times). Bill's a cop and also, according to Jessica, totally nuts. We're forced to wait out the commercial to find out just how nuts, it seems.

After the break, we see Bill is captioned as "Loose Cannon," and we soon realize that Kathy was stuck with the less extroverted -- but also less trigger-happy -- Vize brother. Tom notes that Bill and Kathy together make for a scary combination indeed.

More publicity at the local TV station, where Bill busts Tom's chops for getting made up to go on air. Normally I find this kind of gay panic distasteful, but that delicate little lip gloss brush was pretty egregious. The TV host lady totally ignores Kathy in favor of sharing hometown stories with Tom. The ratio of fake-perturbed to real-perturbed in Kathy's attitude is indeterminate.

Back at the hotel, Team Griffin finds that ticket sales for the St. Louis show had a spike in the last day, which means Tom Vize Day was a complete success. Kathy calls for "one more" parade around the table for Tom. Jessica shows zero enthusiasm for the parade, sad as it is.

The next day, Team Griffin meets Bill, who has brought the requested instruments of police oppression. A billy club for Jessica, a tazer for Kathy, some handcuffs for Tiffany...this is like Christmas for fascists. Kathy interviews that the tazer and cuffs weren't even real, but the fear on Tom's face probably was. The girls start chasing Tom around and deliver a fake beatdown. Bill provides the useful tidbit -- learned in the academy, natch -- that you're supposed to say "Sir, stop resisting" while beating down a perp. Needless to say, Tom is asked to stop resisting quite a lot in this segment.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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