Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Another meeting! It's time to discuss chapter titles! Kathy wants things like "Oprah and Ryan Seacrest Are Conspiring Against Me" (requires legal approval), "I Was a Gifted Student and Was Accepted to Harvard Law" (not technically true), "I Blew Zach from Zach and Cody," "Britney Spears Is a Transvestite and I Can Prove It," "I Think Jeremy Piven Raped Some Chick on Ellen" (all terrifying to the book people). The editor and publisher don't like the idea of naming specific people. Kathy can tell they're uncomfortable and starts talking about how everyone's had crabs. "When did you get your first case of crabs?" she asks, and neither of the two book ladies can even respond. And then! For some reason! Kathy is sent off to meet with Salman Rushdie to find out what it's like to be an author. We learn that Kathy doesn't know what a fatwa is exactly, but she's pretty sure it's something you don't want.

Kathy also thinks it's odd that she'll be meeting with Salman Rushdie. Especially in the same episode as Jackie Collins! Oh, and it says in his dossier that he and Padma Lakshmi broke up. She makes him talk about his latest book, which I'm just going to sum up as "historical fiction." Kathy is shocked that Salman has never met Oprah. Or even Gayle! "He probably doesn't even watch Tyra!" Salman recommends that if Kathy does get fatwa-ed, she could hide in a bookstore since no one even goes in there. Kathy has a fatwa-based pun that I'm not even going to write down.

Las Vegas! It's three months after the first part of the show, and Kathy is going to see her statue at Madame Tussaud's at the Venetian. Hey, I've been there! I think we went because Charo's show was closed that week. It's an "interactive wax museum," which means that there are voice chips and you can pose in a wedding dress next to Brad Pitt's statue. Now, a little something for the ladies! And gay guys! There are muscly guys in gold lamé short-shorts, who will be carrying Kathy on a platform. One of them has too many muscles. Kathy's got a pretty good crowd waiting for her to come out. Finally, there she is! She gets off the platform in the least ladylike way possible and welcomes everyone to "the wax reenactment of my body." They reveal the statue and it looks a bit like Kathy. She poses next to it and makes a few blowjob jokes. Then she holds up a copy of her book (this show is all unstuck in time!) and puts it on her statue.

Midcommercial! Kathy poses for photos with fans and also with female impersonators. Because it's Vegas. Also, a creepy guy asks her out for sex after her show.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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