Kathy's house. Kathy wants to get more use out of her mother, who is a trained secretary. Maggie takes a very long time to write something in shorthand. In fact, Kathy thinks it would be faster to have a dance troupe interpret a sentence. Anyway, Maggie will be in charge of Kathy's Facebook page. Maggie asks, "What's a page?" Hmm. This won't end well. Maggie asks if it's done on a typewriter and Kathy goes on this long sarcastic rant that involves a mule train somehow. Maggie realizes that this is "what's happening to all those teenagers".
Kathy, Tiffany, and Maggie are at a computer. Tiffany will be teaching Maggie about Facebook and Kathy will be saying funny things and talking about wine. Go! Maggie will have to be posting as though she's Kathy. But first she has to learn about the mouse. Kathy complains that Maggie isn't as efficient at exploiting her daughter as Dina Lohan. Kathy wants Maggie to cyber-bully Ryan Seacrest, but since Kathy has no more idea what that means than I do, it sounds difficult. We see Kathy type "Enjoy your..." and then there's some typing. I don't know what she typed, but Maggie is insistent that this not be posted. "I will not let it be sent!" Ah. The complete post is "So happy for your success. Enjoy your fisting session tonight!" Maggie is not on board with Kathy's appalling Facebook status updates. The only one that gets posted is the one about teabagging Nick Cannon, and that's just because she doesn't know what teabagging is. A response gets posted almost immediately: "Yes, do it. Bitch needs 2 B muzzled 4-Eva." Maggie does not want the Facebook job.
New scene! Kathy is going to be going shopping with Paris Hilton! Tom and Tiffany enter with armfuls of weird pink clothes, which turn out to be Paris's actual clothes that Kathy somehow got from Paris's office. So Kathy wants to dress like Paris, which will make Paris like her and do coke and sex tapes with her. Then Kathy strips down (mentioning her "new sexy underwear", which isn't as baggy) and starts trying on clothes. Tiffany correctly identifies the first thing as "very Liza", so it's out. Kathy explains that she's not taking her bra off, and then practices getting out of cars and bending over so as to show off her crotch. This is an Emmy-winning show!
Paris poses on a Hollywood street with one of those really teeny dogs, named Prince Baby Bear. Kathy rolls up with Chance and Pom Pom. Paris tells Kathy she looks hot (TM), and Kathy tells her that she's wearing Paris's clothes. Guys rarely do that sort of thing. Paris is in the middle of a paparazzi scrum and Kathy wants to get some photographer attention. So she hikes up her skirt to show off her underpants. Mission accomplished!