Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Today, Kathy is talking about Young Hollywood, who have some sort of magical ability to get on magazine covers without even trying. This is a superpower that Kathy would very much like, so she's having lunch at a fancy Hollywood place with Rachel True. I don't know who she is, but she seems nice. Kathy wants tips on broadening her demographic, and Rachel recommends dressing way too young and getting a Facebook page. Kathy is appalled by the idea of Facebook, but she's willing to consider going out with Chace Crawford, whoever that is.

Rachel has told Kathy to get on a young, hip, Gossip Girl-y show on the CW. So one week later, Kathy is on the Paramount lot ready to appear on a show called "Privileged", which is so small we don't even recap it. [And it's been canceled. - Zach] Kathy will be playing "Olivia the Wedding Planner," and her character will be organizing a gay wedding. In front of Maggie, Tiffany and Kathy's friend Patrick (who is the casting director and got Kathy the role), Kathy tries reading her lines as an angry, foulmouthed freak. Tiffany is in gales of laughter, but Patrick is unamused. Then Kathy does it as her imitation of her mother, which everyone enjoys. Patrick thinks she should keep trying.

Now it's time for Kathy to mingle with the cast. First up: Ignacio the Hunk, who comes out of his trailer and reveals that he has written "Kathy" on his belly. What kind of CW hunk has a belly? Isn't it supposed to be all washboard this and six-pack that? By the way, his belt buckle is on the side of his body, not the front. These kids today, I tell ya. Kathy teases him about being really hot and when she asks him for drug tips, he just makes a weird face. Kathy attributes this to oxycocoin, which is a drug she just made up, composed of oxycontin, cocaine and heroin. When Kathy bids Ignacio goodbye, she forces herself into his arms and then pretends to be shoving him away. And as she and Tiffany walk away, Ignacio calls out, "By the way, if I wasn't afraid of water, I would motorboat the [bleep] out of you." Huh. Well, that's nice. I guess.

Kathy claims that she and Ignacio are "just learning about sexuality and experimenting". Then she indulges in a whole-body eyeroll and makes the jerkoff gesture.

Guest star! Mike McDonald is here on the lot! And he's on a more prestigious show than Kathy, which is Kath and Kim. Well, I've at least heard of it. I think. [Yeah, that one was also canceled. - Z] He and Kathy exchange insults, with Kathy asking him if he's portraying a successful actor and Mike asking when Kathy will be in hair and makeup. See, because she's already got the fancy hair on. Mike runs some lines with Kathy and she is theatrically bad. And I watched The Room earlier tonight, so I know from bad. By the way, in the background of this entirely coincidental meeting in a studio alley, we can clearly see Kathy's mother, who is sitting in front of Kathy's trailer. All I'm saying is that they could have at least gone around the corner for this.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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