Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Monty Ashley: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Upstairs in the NARAS offices, Kathy fishes for a way to bribe Grammy voters. The NARAS people don't seem that into the idea. They won't even let Kathy hold a Grammy to take pictures with it. There's allegedly a special rule disallowing non-Grammy-winners from touching them. This worries Kathy, because she lets homeless people take pictures with her Emmy. As soon as the NARAS people leave, Kathy starts acting up. First, she opens a cabinet and holds a Grammy. Gasp! Then she calls down to the front desk and pretends to be Miley Cyrus wanting to vote for herself. Um, for Kathy, I mean. Her imitation of Taylor Swift is also terrible, which is impressive when you consider I don't even know what Taylor Swift sounds like.

Kathy signs some papers and tries to establish a voting bloc. Unfortunately, the person she's talking to doesn't actually have a vote. This makes Kathy vow not to waste her valuable celebrity time on nobodies. Then there's some arguing about the math involved in getting a Grammy nomination, and Kathy has either a 5 in 53 chance or a 1 in 53 chance.

Holiday Inn. Tom likes it, although Tiffany thinks it smells gross. Tom can't stop laughing at the horrible carpet. Nice product placement, guys! Kathy is constantly ducking behind things to keep from being seen by housekeeping, but she also refuses to leave before getting the free breakfast. I think her goals are kind of in conflict. From behind a plant, she explains that the reason she is not in the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons is that that place is really, really expensive. You know, Kathy's been a stand-up comedian for a long time. I strongly suspect she has stayed in a shitty hotel or two.

Sitting down to breakfast (a cinnamon roll), Kathy tells Tom and Tiffany that they'll all be going to Las Vegas to see Bette Midler's show and hang out with Bette. Kathy is excited about getting "A-List Training" with Bette, and Tiffany points out that, like Kathy, Bette is a gay icon. They leave without even touching their cinnamon rolls.

Las Vegas! Caesar's Palace! Backstage at Bette Midler's show! Kathy is excited about meeting Bette, even though she's already met her. "It's a very A-List moment! For me. For her, it's not so good. More D-Listy." Bette's green room is huge and absurd. She's got multiple rooms inside her room. Kathy compares Bette's show (a million showgirls! Dancing elephants! A full-scale reenactment of the Hindenburg disaster!) with her own (Kathy on a stool). I think Kathy's show is more portable. Bette can't really tour with all that, can she?

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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