Kathy Email Watch: It's a holiday week, so I can't expect Kathy to be sending strange recappers notes when there are illegal fireworks to be obtained.
Tonight's episode-starting stand-up focuses on The Bad Girls Club, a show I totally haven't seen every episode of. Much love is given to "Pop Off!" as a catch phrase. Kathy holds a company meeting to discuss her shows at Madison Square Garden (which were in January -- and for which I totally was not on the ball and failed to get tickets before they sold out). Kathy reminds her staff (and us) that she's been re-banned from The View after her Barbara Walters/Astroglide joke from her last Bravo special. Yeah, I kinda thought that might get her in trouble. Kathy's excited because it's her first re-banning -- plus, honestly, being banned from The View was always better stand-up fodder than being on it. Though I'd kill to hear her thoughts on Sherri Shepherd.
Kathy breaks the View news to her mom, who is unexpectedly fired up and pledges not to watch The View again... or any other show Kathy's been banned from. Kathy: "Well, it's down to Judge Judy." Maggie does advise Kathy not to talk about Barbara in her stand-up anymore, and that way she might get invited back. So that hardline stance of hers lasted about five seconds there. Maggie advises Kathy (not all that seriously) to kiss ass to get along, but Kathy quotes her dear, departed dad: "Fuck 'em!"
Kathy talks to Jess and Tiff about the dearth of publicity she's got lined up for the MSG show, and their bright idea is to get Kathy ordained as a minister and then have her officiate a wedding. Kathy worries about getting a God complex -- you know, like Oprah -- before she recognizes the possibilities of getting good with Jesus. Though she's not so crazy about marrying a straight couple.
To New York! Kathy shows off her swank new outfit (and kickin' new haircut!) that she was going to wear on The View and instead says they're going to Rosie O'Donnell's craft workshop! Tom's eyes bug out of his head (how's he supposed to masturbate to that?) and Jess and Tiff are totally like, "...Yay?" Kathy explains that she knows about this via Rosie's blog, since Kathy is totally modern and into vlogging (she imbues the concept of "vlogging" with every bit of scorn it deserves, too). Tom announces his hope to make macaroni art. I swear to God, he's special needs.
So we're off to Rosie's house in... Westchester, I guess? And as usual, Rosie comes across better via her association with Kathy. We see Rosie's Emmys have been spray-painted (graffiti-tagged, according to Kathy), which Rosie totally blames on the kids. Did you know that Rosie's one of those no-televisions-in-the-house parents? My question is, how are her kids supposed to grow up with obsessive and unhealthy attachments to people like Barbra Streisand and Susan Lucci without televisions? I ask you! Anyway, Kathy interviews that Rosie's house is way more fun than The View, before she and Rosie get to vlogging. It's quite the visual, with Kathy looking dynamite in her Carolina Herrera and Rosie in her... jammies, it appears. They talk about how funny, famous women have to fight the "unlikeability factor," which is always my bugaboo with Rosie. I genuinely find her to be an unpleasant persona, and yet I think she gets WAY too much shit for it from other people, so I end up defending her. So Kathy tells the Astroglide story again, and she and Rosie give Barbara props for being a Playboy bunny, a fact which Tom already knew. Which is when Kathy decides to give us all the mental picture of Tom whacking off to a photo of Barbara Walters. Yeah, "thanks."