Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Suck It, Team Griffin! People Love the Emmy!

Outside, Kathy learns that Nick already has a girlfriend, and also that there's a guy on base who likes to drink beer out of his fake leg. Kathy hopes to bring him up on stage. Next, they go to meet the therapy dog, who is an adorable Golden Retriever. Kathy meets one patient who claims that the dog came and picked him up one time when he was drunk. The same guy also makes jokes about his missing arm. Kathy hopes that there will be some gays at her show, and the guy assures her that there will be a couple.

Kathy puts together her set list with Team Griffin's help. She realizes that they don't know who her mother is, or who Woz is. Kathy has big plans for Nick, the concussion guy, but then she finds out that he may not be attending the gig. Kathy: "When Col. Todd told me that Nick, my number one fan/Irishman wasn't in the audience, I felt screwed. But here's what I have: tits. Two of 'em. Count 'em. Real. Old school. I can wear a low-cut shirt and I can force my staff to do it." Kathy makes the girls strip down and is upset that Tiffany didn't wear a tank top under her shirt. Lt. Col. Todd reminds her that there are a few children, despite that he warned them that it wouldn't be appropriate, and there are also four chaplains. Kathy is sure that her Emmy thing will work even if the jokes don't. I've got a bad feeling about this.

Kathy gets a standing ovation when she goes out on stage, but no one laughs at the tit jokes or the Britney Spears jokes. Oh, Mrs. Kathy, she is bombing.

So Kathy's up there tap-dancing like a fool. I'm not a stand-up comic, but I am a teacher, and I know the feeling of standing in front of a group of people and knowing that they are not listening or caring or enjoying what you say. Luckily, at that moment, Nick rolls in, so Kathy has him show off his tattoo, and everyone laughs. Kathy decides to just ditch her celebrity material and go with military stuff. She makes fun of the guy who drinks beer out of his leg and then rips on the rules that the military gave her about the show. Kathy interviews that she understands why the crowd was a little less energetic than a typical crowd, but she made them laugh a little. Emphasis on "a little." Then Kathy lets people get their pictures taken with her Emmy, and the line is really long. She credits the Emmy, but I think people just like to get their picture taken with a celebrity, so Kathy is the draw here. If they wanted the Emmy, they would take the picture minus Kathy.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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