Okay, so right off the bat, I want to be clear about my purpose in writing these recaps: I want Kathy Griffin to read them and send me an email. Doesn't have to be a complimentary email -- though seriously, I love her, so I have no idea why it'd be an angry email. At worst, it'd be something in the vein of a restraining order, but so long as it comes from Kathy herself, I'm cool with that. Anyway, I just thought I'd be straight-up with you all. I figure if anyone would appreciate such naked social climbing and starfucking, it'd be Kathy Griffin. On with the show!
Kathy kicks the fourth season off with a recap of what she's been up to since last year. Things like, say, winning an Emmy and delivering her "Suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now!" speech. All the usual suspects got up in arms, and Kathy got a shitload of publicity, and don't tell anyone, but I heard that Jesus did suck it. And liked it. Kathy also started dating former Apple nerd pioneer Steve Wozniak, who we see riding his hefty self around on a Segway and being a math geek. And Kathy and her mom have been coping with the death of Kathy's dad. Said coping appears to involve a lot of...wine from a bottle?? Too good for the boxed wine now that you've gone all Hollywood, Ma Griffin?
Kathy reminds us of the Team Griffin roster: Jessica, the veteran; Tiffany, her eager assistant; and Tom, Kathy's bitch boy. We're promised more D-List shenanigans, more repressed-Catholic vulgarity, and a whole lotta that Emmy statue.
After the credits, and some stand-up about Britney (I'm sure this was all recorded before we, as a culture, decided to stop talking about Britney for the good of us all and focused exclusively on the Lohans and Audrina Patridge), it's back to the house where Kathy (who is looking way more natural this season, which I applaud; there's at least a 75% chance that that's her real hair) tells Team Griffin that she's going to be co-hosting CNN's New Year's Eve coverage with Anderson Cooper. They talk about the year-in-review stuff she could cover, including Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears. Kathy jokes about advocating an abortion for Jamie Lynn (seventeen years too late for that one I'm sorry), though that might turn the Jesus people against her even more. Yeah, maybe. She interviews that this is her chance to be recognized for her hard-hitting coverage of Britney's crotch...and how it affects the Middle East. She tells Jessica and Tiffany that they're allowed to drink, so long as they don't embarrass Mrs. Kathy in front of Anderson. There's also a joke about kissing Anderson on his balls, but I really don't feel comfortable joking about Anderson Cooper's balls.