Rubicon
Keep the Ends Out

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Keep the Action Out
usual Middle Eastern beat. Wait, wasn't he whining about how no one paid attention to his warnings about Nigeria last week? Since when was Nigeria part of the Middle East? Will ignores Miles's whining and asks him if he has anything about the third guy in the photo. "Not a clue. We don't know shit about these guys," he says. Can Will fire him already? He is terrible at this stuff.

Will is doing his usual "work" of sitting on the couch with a pad of paper in his lap when Kale saunters in, asking Will for something about Sudan (also in the Middle East, I guess) and his team's report on Yuri and Friends. Will hems and haws, and Kale is annoyed, pointing out that Will said he'd have something for Spangler last Friday and if he couldn't deliver what Spangler requested in 24 hours then he shouldn't have said he could. "He was testing you. You failed," Kale says. Yes, he certainly did. Fire him. Will duhs out a "that was a test?" like Kale didn't just say that. "Yeah," Kale says. Okay, I think we've very clearly established three times over that that was a test. Please continue with the show. Kale offers to give "B and D" a "nudge" to get back to Will's team with the information they requested. Again, what the hell is "B and D?" Because when I looked it up on Google, it came up with Black and Decker, Bondage and Discipline, and Bondage and Domination, and I'm pretty sure those aren't it. Will pathetically agrees to let Kale hold his hand.

Oh my god, you guys!!! Maggie just dropped some files on the floor while attempting to pour herself some coffee. "Dammit!" she says. Kale swoops in to watch her collect her stuff off the ground but not so much help her pick anything up, which I enjoy. "Are you all right?" he asks, because on this show, moving quickly and raising your voice is a very good indication that something is horribly wrong. Maggie says she isn't, and then she and Kale are walking outside and Maggie is telling Kale about how her daughter's father "just showed up" and "scared the shit out of" her. Apparently, this show just realized that it's allowed to say "shit" and is making the most out of it. By the way, it won't surprise you to know that Kale is wearing a very evil black leather trenchcoat. Kale guesses that the father said he wanted to be part of Maggie and Sophie's life again. Maggie nods that he did, but not that she automatically told him no. "People don't change," Kale says; "stay away from him." Maggie doesn't want to, however, because it would give her daughter a chance to "grow up in a normal family." Kale realizes that this show has better things to address than this single mom in trouble borefest -- like, you know, the government conspiracy borefests -- and walks away.

Will shuffles into a coffee shop, where he meets Evan. I was expecting him to be, like, insane or weird or something, but he's pretty normal. Less awkward than, say, everyone else on this show. Will extends a hand for him to shake but Evan pulls him into a hug, which no doubt sets off intimacy alarms hidden in Will's nest of hair. Anyway, the meeting between two very antisocial people goes about as well as you'd expect. Will tells Evan that David was happy that Evan "settled into something" up in Vermont, whatever that means. Evan retorts that David never visited him up there. He kept tabs on his progress in what I'm guessing was a mental facility up there (one of those mental facilities that allows its patients to wander down to New York City unattended, I guess) and paid for everything, but never went to see Evan. Will doesn't want to hear about Evan's daddy issues, so he asks him why he wanted to meet with him. Evan says he wants the Norton David gave to Will, because David once promised Evan that it would be his. Are we supposed to care about David anymore? Because whatever positive feelings I had for him before are gone now that I know what a crappy dad he was. Will's not thrilled with the idea of handing the motorcycle over, since he says it was the only thing David gave him before he died. Yeah, well, David didn't give Evan anything, so why don't you just be happy with the owl figurine you stole, eh, Will? "I'm his son. Not you," Evan says.

While Will is wandering around town doing non-work stuff, his workers are stuck back at API, actually working on the Yuri case. Grants wonders why Beck chose the first name "George" and not something more German. "Maybe George was his favorite Beatle?" Tanya guesses. Uh, yeah, Tanya. Okay. Go back to your hidden hip flask. George is no one's favorite Beatle. Miles takes off to call Berlin, regardless of the fact that it's three AM there. No one cares, and Tanya asks Grant how he got his name. Grant says he was named after Ulysses S. Grant. Tanya and I both laugh at this, because we know that Ulysses S. Grant was one of the country's worst presidents. Grant bristles when Tanya says Grant was one of the worst five US presidents. He places him in the bottom ten, like that's so much better. "We're not talking about James Buchanan or Warren G. Harding," he scoffs. "Well, pretty much, we are," Tanya says. I'm pretty sure that I and my fellow American history majors are the only people enjoying this conversation.

Miles dials the phone. Maureen's voicemail picks up after like one ring. You guys, I'm pretty sure Maureen is not Berlin. Miles doesn't leave a message, choosing instead to stare at a picture of wife Maureen and the kids on his desk and be all sad and twitchy about it. If I didn't care about Maggie's husband or daughter, then I certainly don't care about Miles's.

While his team works hard back at the office, Will heads home. What a douchebag boss he is. Also, he parked his motorcycle in, like, his living room. Which is also his bedroom, because he lives in a tiny New York studio apartment. Ew. Why is everyone who works for API so poor? Tanya's always complaining about how little money she makes, Maggie is barely able to support herself and daughter, and Will lives in a shoebox. The government can't pay these super-intelligent minds charged with keeping some of the nation's biggest secrets a decent wage? Will gets a beer from the fridge and studies his motorcycle for a while before it FINALLY dawns on him that David might have given it to him for a good reason. As the music swells, he grabs a toolbox from under his bed and gets to work taking the Norton apart. I guess now that he's giving it to Evan, he's cool with breaking it.

Cut to much later. The motorcycle is in pieces all over the floor, but Will has had no luck. Only now does he pick up the manual that came with the bike and flip through it, finding an old photo of David and Evan with the bike. The bike's seat has a piece of silver tape down the center; in the photo, though, it doesn't. Wow, Will didn't have to take the bike apart after all! He could have saved himself hours of work if he'd just read the instructions first. Typical man. He peels back the silver tape, and sure enough, there's a bunch of numbers written on the underside. But wait, there's more! The tape was covering a slit in the seat. Will sticks his hand inside and finds a handgun. Wow, good thing he checked the bike out before handing it over to David's crazy son.

The next day at work, Will is once again not doing his job, instead staring at David's code on his couch with his trusty yellow notepad. I really hope this code is better than that last one David left, which was lame. Maggie walks in to ask Will how bears go to the bathroom when they hibernate, like, it's called Wikipedia, Maggie. I know you're trying to make conversation with Will and stuff, but come on. Plus, it's been like two days since your daughter asked about that, so she's totally forgotten by now anyway. Will makes a "joke," saying that bears shit in the woods, not in a bathroom, before answering her question by saying that bears can recycle their own waste while they hibernate. Great; go explain that to a five-year-old. Anyway, Maggie's attempt to strike up a conversation fails as per usual, and so she quickly leaves Will's office.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5Next

Rubicon

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP