Kell on Earth
Kell on Earth

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B | 1049 USERS: B-
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Agent Saboteur

Previously, a guest list clusterfuck led to Kelly getting fired by Chado Ralph Rucci, which meant everybody was already on edge for the next show, whereupon Stephanie Vorhees let her general incompetence pretty much spill out all over everything. Also, Kelly adopted a cute Irish intern, and Stefanie Skinner got her roots done FINALLY.

Is it Fashion Week anymore? I think it's still Fashion Week. As Kelly tells us: "No rest for the wicked!" I find that phrase charmingly old-fashioned. Like when your mom told you to do something "with gusto." Anyway, this enduring busy season is currently manifesting itself in Robyn giving Orange Andrew shit for something and everyone scrambling for upcoming shows for Agent Provocateur (shiny lingerie, from what I gather, though Kelly calls it "hip" and "saucy") and Nicolas Petrou shows.

Kelly and Robyn hold model casting for the Agent Provocateur (hereafter known as "AP" because life is short and there are Olympic snowboard races to be watched), and Kelly makes sure there's no one there who has a problem with nipples, boobies, bras, or [their] ass." Robyn explains that AP wanted this show on the cheap, which presents a challenge for People's Rev. Kelly tells us that finding underwear models is a smidge challenging because most models are so bone-skinny -- or, I'll quote Kelly, "Auschwitz skinny" -- that they look gross in lingerie. Kelly also tells a particularly severe Russian model she should be flirtier, "more American, less Russian." Kelly Cutrone: getting seriously political in Episode 3!

They only find three good models (they need eight), and it seems one problem is that the agent from AP, Julia, told the modeling agencies the show was a "presentation" -- which connotes models standing around for hours in underwear, not unlike last week's denim/Swarovski show -- which makes it harder to book the really awesome models. Because, yes, women who get paid lots of money to walk in a straight line totally balk when you want to pay them to stand around for a couple of hours. Oh, models, no wonder we treat you with contempt on our reality shows.

Kelly's got Emily running point on the Nicolas Petrou show. Petrou is an up-and-coming menswear designer, and once Kelly starts in on how "avant-garde" he is, you know what we're in for. (Incidentally, in trumpeting her love for the oddball, Kelly says this: "I'm not pretty-pretty, like, I don't want to see a lot of flowered dresses, that's not my shteeze." Shteeze. God, love her.) Anyway, Petrou's collection is almost exclusively "jumpsuits" for men, with crazy zigzag patterns and some in vibrant colors. It looks to me like nothing so much as Zubaz footy pajamas. Which, granted, would have been my jam in 5th grade. So Kelly tries to get him to understand that he's going to get a lot of "brilliant!" responses and a lot of "WTF?" as well, so he should try to put his most "wearable" looks front and center. Petrou may or may not be taking this all in, it's hard to tell.

Kell on Earth

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