Kell on Earth

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B | Grade It Now!
The Unbearable Lightness of Being Andrew

Plus, okay, Andrew maybe doesn't get to complain about anything anymore because Kelly totally brings him along to hat-designer Stephen Jones's apartment, where they all just sit around and try on ridiculous and amazing hats for what seems to be several hours. The visual of Kelly and Andrew cycling through, say, clear-mesh top hats adorned with pearls, or black-felt Burger King crowns, all while sipping cappuccino from white porcelain teacups is already a billion times more entertaining than anything I saw in Alice in Wonderland.

By episode's end, Andrew continues his theme of not-exactly-working by planning a dinner party -- an Addams Family-themed dinner party. He invites Skinner and fellow People's Rev co-worker Michelle, but Skinner shows up wildly late because she had to finish blah-blah-blah weekly report blah-blah running myself ragged is part of my identity blah. After a slightly passive-aggressive toast where Andrew and Skinner momentarily come across like squabbling marrieds intent on making their guests uncomfortable, both chill out and enjoy Andrew's painstakingly gothic dinner presentation.

But those were just the adventures of ONE Andrew! What about our other, bronzer Andrew? Well, Tandrew is languishing in the purgatory known as "being Robyn's assistant." We see footage of Robyn being "nice" to everyone but Tandrew -- even though "nice" for Robyn is a relative term. We see her nitpicking every little thing Tandrew does, and while it's tough to tell whether this is just Robyn being a pill or Tandrew being a ditz or a little of both, the way Robyn speaks Tandrew's name as if she has a constantly-flaring-up UTI makes me want to side with the orange one. Maybe I'm just fascinated by the rubber hoodie he's apparently rocking. For the Michael Cera-loving dom/sub fetishist in all of us!

"Robyn is pretty much miserable a big part of the day," Tandrew assesses. He also, unsurprisingly, thinks she needs to get laid. To that end, we see Kelly and the Cabal (incl. Robyn and Emily) take a walk around the nabe, hitting on the Soho locals. One of whom is this artsy-cute skater boy who seems interested in Robyn. And thus am I put in a bad mood for the rest of this recap. He's, like, four days off the bus, and he's vaguely Latin American/Spanish/rocking the puppyish "I don't know this city so well, show me around, hey, I don't know why I'm wearing a wedding ring either, it must be because I'm so foreign and naïve" thing. He runs a good game. Just not sure why he's choosing to run it on Robyn. Anyway, Kelly's like, "Do you want to come to some fashion shows?" Which is, like, totally the last sentence a street urchin hottie like this hears before he emerges three years later from being chained up in Karl Lagerfeld's tastefully appointed sex dungeon. Anyway. Kelly thinks he's perfect for Robyn. "He's that perfect kid that you want to roll with you. They can just hang out and go to your events and look cute and they just want to fuck and have a good time." And Kelly isn't the Millionaire Matchmaker why, exactly?

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Kell on Earth




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