Smallville

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You Kent Go Home Again

Alt-Smallville. Clark walks into the rat-infested mess that is the Kent farm. The windows are broken, dirt and leaves litter the floor. Clark is as distraught at seeing his home in such a state as his doppelganger was seeing the ruined mansion. "Dad?" he calls out. He's not your dad in this reality, doofus! No one answers, so he tries again: "Jonathan? Mr. Kent?" He goes upstairs where he's promptly greeted by a lead pipe to the face. He falls backwards down the steps, face bleeding, and lands on the floor below. Jonathan stands over him, pipe in one hand and a big chunk of glowing green kryptonite in the other. Man, he looks rough. Like if he showed up to an open casting call for Shameless they'd send him away for looking too poor and drunk.

In a sunnier Smallville, Emil and Lois are huddled together in the Kent kitchen, poring over the broken pieces of one of the mirror boxes. Emil fits two shards together under some sort of technological doohickey. "Clark thought he destroyed that months ago," Lois says. "He's not going to like the fact that you and Tess snagged this from behind his back." Emil gives Lois a very tired look and says that the big dumb idiot can just suck it. Or words to that effect. He zaps the pieces of the mirror box with a laser from the doohickey.

Watchtower. Clark Luthor is trying to hack into the computers without success. When he's foiled by a password screen, he goes all CLARK SMASH! and knocks the thing to the ground.

Daily Planet. Tess is making her way through the building while she catches up with Lois via phone. She hasn't been able to find "Clark's darker side" yet but she'll try to stall him if she does, she says. When she reaches her office, she finds a box waiting on her desk, wrapped up in red and gold like it's Christmas. She hangs up with Lois without telling her of this latest development. Inside the box are a pair of strappy heels and a dress made of some slinky purple fabric. There's a note: "Ace of Clubs 8:00 Tonight. - CL." There's the oddest expression on her face. She's not entirely displeased by the gift or the invitation, but she's clearly conflicted. "I can't wait to see you in it," Luthor says, having suddenly appeared behind her. He sounds crazy creepy, like he might want to sleep with her or he might want to eat her liver. When she's surprised that the dress is the right size, Luthor slinks around her, practically sniffing her hair. He says he knows everything about her. Except what her liver tastes like. Her eyes roll up like she's about to swoon, but he suddenly vanishes, leaving her to stew in her naughty thoughts alone.

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Smallville

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