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You Kent Go Home Again

Alt-Smallville. Clark, sweaty and tied to a chair, is just regaining consciousness. He struggles in vain; Jonathan is standing beside him, still wielding the kryptonite chunk. "I'm not who you think I am," Clark says. Au contraire! "The day you got here was the worst day of my life," Jonathan says. That's really saying something, judging by how bad he looks now. Jonathan tells him about the day of the meteor shower and how it ruined his farm. "Then Queen comes along and buys it all out from under me and won't give me a chance to get it back," he says. Well, he's dead now, so... you win? Just in case you didn't remember it from "Luthor," Jonathan tells us about Queen's plans to buy all the land in the area so he could get to the kryptonite. Or "stupid little green rocks," as Jonathan calls them. He shoves the chunk in Clark's face for emphasis. Clark pants and groans in pain and tries again to reason with Jonathan. Then he notices a makeshift bed by the window and realizes Jonathan's still been living there. Jonathan brags that he found gold after the meteor shower, so you know gold kryptonite is going to figure in the finale somehow. He'd thought he would cash in on it, but now he figures he'll make more money turning Clark in for a reward. Jonathan leers at Clark, their faces inches away. Lord, I bet that man's breath reeks. "What about Mom?" Clark asks. "Martha," he corrects himself. "What does any of this mean without her?" The mention of her name doesn't bring back happy memories for Jonathan. Seems Martha left him and he's pretty bitter about it. When Clark presses the issue, Jonathan kicks him in the ribs hard enough to break the chair and send him crashing to the floor. Clark tries to explain about coming from a different world where the Kents raised him. "Just untie me," Clark begs. "If you don't believe me, then you'll have a great story to tell Bill and Remy down at the feed shop." Jonathan looks stunned. Nobody knows about Bill and Remy!

Ace of Clubs. Clark Luthor steps out of the elevator all gussied up in a three-piece suit. Tess is waiting for him at the bar and she's wearing the dress he gifted her. She looks so awesome that I only briefly notice her unfortunate choice of hairstyle. She's excited to see him but tries not to look it. "Now this fits you perfectly," he says, cozying up to her. She smiles and her mouth moves around a bit before any words finally come out. "I'm not sure what to say," she admits. He flirtatiously insults her by saying talking has never been her strong suit. Instead of calling him a jerk, she lets him move very close to her and even tilts her chin up as if for a kiss. He bypasses her lips and instead kisses her neck. Then, playing it cool, he walks away from her. Somehow she manages to follow him despite the fact that her loins have just burst into flames.

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