Kid Nation
Kid Nation

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 415 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
God Help Us

With five minutes left -- because it's taking them nearly a half hour to put together a damn jigsaw puzzle with pieces the size of their torsos -- Green and Yellow seem just about even. "I don't know what goes wrong, but something always goes wrong," Laurel interviews. Well, she did pick her team based on individual leadership ability. Could she just have too many captains on the bridge? In any event, Yellow finishes its puzzle first. Sophia ruefully interviews about Green's unambitious yet perfectly noble goal: "We just wanted to rub Yellow's face in the dirt. We just really, really wanted them to be laborers." Is that so wrong? With two minutes left, Green and Yellow are both cranking up, and it might just be possible for the bigger kids on Green to pass up Yellow. Michael interviews that nobody wants the Yellow team to be the cooks again, for obvious reasons. But Yellow takes third. Taylor is typically magnanimous in victory during a post-challenge interview: "If y'all don't like our food, y'all can just starve yourselves, 'cause too bad." Yes, that's the kind of attitude that's going to make the new Bonanza City successful where the previous attempt failed. There were just too many people prepared to feed the town back then. Green finishes with nearly a full minute still on the clock, meaning the town won its reward. So that's the good news.

To the Yellow team, Jonathan says, "Out of the Upper Class." All the other teams cheer at the decline in Yellow's fortunes. "Back to the kitchen," Jonathan adds. All the other teams look unhappy at this decline in their own fortunes. Including the Yellow team, if you can believe the nerve. "Thumbs down," Taylor says, as if this development is going to change her daily routine one whit. Jonathan prepares to reveal the rewards, claiming it's "instant gratification versus spiritual salvation." Sure, not to stack the deck or anything. Choice number one: a miniature golf course to go in the middle of the city. Choice number two (and here, everyone looks nervous, like they're about to see something good for them that they're going to get stuck with instead): a desk that holds a whole library of what Jonathan calls "holy books." And indeed, we see several Bibles, a Quran, a Torah, and the various Gods know what else. There looks to be a book for every kid in the town. Jonathan tells the Council to go take a walk to make their decision. The Council, to their credit, flatly refuses. They say they're putting it up to a vote. Wow, it only took them four showdowns to figure that out. There's some requisite yelling. Interestingly, Sophia's among the group hollering for the Bibles. "If you don't make the right choice, this town will fail just like it did in the 1880s," Zach drama-queens in an interview. Why can't they compromise? Take the holy texts, keep a few of them, and make their own mini golf course out of the rest. This isn't hard, people.

Kid Nation

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