Ain't no party like a Bonanza City party, 'cause a Bonanza City party don't stop. The kids are cutting loose in the saloon. I assume that's not alcohol, but they're already dropping depth charges into their drinks. Physically, at least, these kids are drinking at a college level! But not everyone's joining the parting. Olivia, for one, and Emilie want to get some rest for tomorrow's showdown. Wise move, because the next morning, Bonanza City looks like Delta House. Greg tries to "help" the council to wake everyone up by clanging pans and rolling over top of people. This does not earn him any friends, but since he felt screwed over for the gold star last time, his response is basically "fuck all y'all," and he goes on a profanity-laced tirade that leaves Sophia in tears. The ten-year-olds are quite worried about the nine-year-olds' ears. All the kids are worried about their stomachs, as the best Taylor's crack kitchen staff can muster for breakfast is a handful each of hash browns. Fortunately, the long-gone pioneers who left the impeccably written journal have some experience in the area of lawlessness, and suggest council institute a curfew. The council decides to impose a 9:30 curfew, which goes over about as well as you'd expect. Fortunately, Taylor is there to lay out the council's position: "Deal with it!" she explains. She says this a lot over the course of the episode -- hence the title. It's probably a better title than the Greg option: "You're A [Bleep]!" The challenge this week is to rustle some sheep, which are all tagged with playing cards; the first team to collect the three aces for is the winner. Taylor's yellow team, led by Cowboy Colton, take the challenge and win the upper-class spot. Next is the blue team, then the green team (avoiding another stint as the lowly labourers), and bringing up the rear is the red team. But since they all completed the task in an obviously elongated five minutes, they get to choose either forty pizzas or a barrel of cocoa and a completely authentic Old West microwave (painted dusty brown). The popular choice is the pizza, but council opts for the more practical microwave, which I'm disappointed doesn't come with a yellowed old-timey instruction manual ("be forewarned: ye olde Popcorn Button usually leaves plenty a' unpopped kernels in the bag"). Greg recovers from his temper tantrum to help right some fallen outhouses (which blew over in a dust storm), and appears to have another shot at a gold star. The other contenders are Morgan, the town mom, and Mallory, the town mature-beyond-her-ears eight-year-old, nominated by her sister Olivia for working her ass off. The fact the gold star would be awarded on Mallory's ninth birthday seals the deal as far as Laurel is concerned, and sure enough, the council gives it to her, after a council meeting in which more people express disapproval of the way council's running things. That is to say, they want Taylor to stop being so damn bossy. The tears start flowing from Taylor, which earns her no sympathy. But she promises to do better, which seems to earn her some conditional leeway. Greg, meanwhile, is still pissed.
It's nighttime at the Bonanza Saloon. Greg appears to have recovered from his disappointment at losing the gold star, because he's in quite a cheerful mood as he congratulates everyone for working hard. Then he drinks what seems to be some kind of depth charge. Nice. All the nine-year-olds are getting a crash course in how to drink at a university level. In an interview, Mike says they all need one night to just "party on, baby!" and we see him cut loose by chugging a sarsaparilla or turnip juice or whatever they've got there.
There's a piano, and some kid appears to be playing it, but all we hear is the pseudo-saloon piano over the soundtrack. "Man needs his root beer!" crows Cody in an interview. Cody is nine.
Not everyone's partaking in the fun, though. Olivia, 12, and her sister Mallory, 8, of Indiana, are hanging out in their sleeping bags with chicken-lover Emilie, waiting for the ruckus to die down so they can get some sleep. Olivia explains that they have a showdown the next day and she wants to get a good night's sleep. In another interview, Mallory says they can't build their society without laws; that's why this town was abandoned in the first place. Don't be too impressed by her insight; this interview clearly comes after all the law-and-order talk that comes tomorrow.
For the rebuttal: Sophia, chugging a soda and high-fiving someone in the saloon. Checkmate.
The next day dawns much too soon for all the kids nursing their soda hangovers. The town council rings the bell and yells for everyone to get up. Taylor screams that they've got jobs to do, which is a little rich coming from her. A bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Mallory gets dressed while the rest of the girls in her bunkhouse complain. "That's what you get for staying up all night," she self-righteously says in an interview.
Greg contributes to the wake-up call by smacking baking pans together and putting himself in severe danger of being hit by a shoe, or maybe something even heavier. Jared especially is unimpressed, as he and his unruly mess of bed-head only got four hours' sleep.
The council decides to consult the "journal" which was "left" by the "pioneers." Taylor explains this in an interview, and seems to believe it's authentic. Or maybe it's like when you've figured out there is no Santa Claus but pretend for a little while longer for your parents' sake? I think it's significant that the one explaining about the journal is the youngest and most likely to believe in its legitimacy. Anyway, you'll never believe this, but the problems outlined in the journal -- townspeople spending all their money and staying at the saloon all hours -- mirror exactly what's going on in the Bonanza City 2007 remix!
Greg has gone from banging pans to actually rolling over the other kids to wake them up. One girl threatens violence if he comes back in.