Black Magic Woman

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Black Magic Woman

Delia walks through a curiously poorly lit office toward her desk. She cheerfully greets a co-worker with a smile, but he ignores her. The Jangly Guitar of This Is Clearly a Dr.eam Sequence sings deliciously in the background. Delia trudges through the office over to her completely empty desk. "Hey, who took all my stuff?" she calls. Everyone ignores her. What a sad dream. Last night, I dreamed that I was dating Michael Vartan and we were going to Hawaii together. Now, that's the kind of dream sequence I'd like to see in a show that I recap! Delia looks around nervously, like she's waiting for a guy in a clown nose to come in and steal her shoes while her teeth crumble to pieces and fall out of her mouth. Wait, that's also my dream. Anyway. She's looking around when Rafael "Partner Killer" Chappa steps out of the elevator, holding a bloody box. Well, this isn't going to be good. "Hey, it's him!" Delia yells. "Get him! Get him!" Rafael dances over to her menacingly. "Delia, mi reina, mi reina, mi amor," he coos. "I have a present for you," he says. Delia looks around and, seeing no help whatsoever, draws her gun and tells Rafael that he's not getting out of there alive. "That's not going to work, mi amor. No, no. All the people here, they know that you screwed up," Rafael tells her. Delia doesn't blink an eye, but fires three times. The bullets just fall out of her gun and onto the table. "Don't you want to see what's inside?" Rafael asks, gesturing to the box. "I want you to die for what you did," Delia yells. Rafael sets the bloody box on her desk and pulls out his gun. He points it at her, screams a few words in Spanish, and then shoves the box into her lap, creating a long, bloody smear across her empty desk. Delia screams...

...and then wakes up in her own bed, heaving a giant sigh.

After the credits, we open in Chiang Mai, Thailand. A loud, obnoxious throng watches as two guys kick-box in an outdoor ring. This show did need a little kick-boxing. Miguel sits in a fancy-schmancy box overlooking the ring, next to the Evil Asian Dentist Guy from Alias. Oh my God, dude! That guy is nuts! He's evil and nuts! He'll rip your teeth out with rusty metal implements of torture! Run, Miguel! Run! Phew. Okay. It's just that I'm really scared of Evil Asian Dentist Guy. Of course, here, presumably, he's not an agent of torture, but just a mean, crazy drug dealer. At least he has a name, according to the closed captioning: Khun Chao. "Have you ever seen Muay Thai before, Miguel?" he asks. Miguel shakes his head. Chao explains that the fighters "look into each other. Into the inner man. Those boxers know which one is going to win." Okay, I don't care if he isn't officially an agent of torture: this guy plays Menacing Psychotic Creep really, really well. "I know which one is going to win," Chao says. Miguel just looks down at the fighters. Chao informs him that he's considered Miguel's proposal, but he has one concern. "What if my merchandise reaches Mazatlan successfully, but your merchandise is intercepted at sea?" he asks. Miguel smiles and explains that the U.S. Navy has no interest in ships moving between Mexico and Asia. "That is the beauty of the deal," he says. Chao suggests that Miguel send his shipment first. Miguel just screws up his face in response. "Maybe we can work out a cash figure to be paid, in case either of our shipments is lost in transit," he offers. "Miguel, we don't want each other's money," Chao tells him. "You want my heroin. I want your cocaine." They stare at each other for one long moment. "I can't speak for my partner," Miguel finally says. Chao sniffs that Miguel ought to consult with his partner and give the idea some serious consideration.

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