El Velorio

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | Grade It Now!
El Velorio

Back at the ranch, Marlene and Miguel lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. "So what are we going to do about it?" she asks. "Nothing," Miguel responds. "Nothing?" she parrots, before telling him that she really doesn't think Beto is going to step down in six months. "Dammit, Marlene," Miguel says, sitting up with a sigh. "What? What do you want from me?" Marlene sits, too. "I want you to take what you have the right to take," she says in measured tones. "If you let Don Beto push you aside, then what happened to Tio Jorge happened for nothing." Miguel reminds her that Tio Jorge was losing it. "He put us all at risk. That is the only reason he had to go. Not because I wanted to take over," he tells her. They exchange looks. Marlene's says: "Yeah, right." Miguel's says: "You'd better buy that line of bull, missy." Finally, he tells her to "be patient," because they have no other option. Marlene just cocks a skeptical brow. They both lie back down and make frustrated looks at the ceiling. What, no hot, evil sex? This show is on at 10 PM! Where is the nudity? Whither nudity, Mr. Spelling?

Over at the meth lab, everyone's working furiously. Suddenly, a window explodes. Everyone starts running outside...where they're met by a tank coming over the hill. A tank, people! I can't make this stuff up. The tank fires and the lab blows sky high. Fire, fire, everywhere!

"It's one of our biggest methamphetamine labs," Miguel tells everyone -- well, all the men -- back at Don Beto's ranch. "It's been producing fifty kilos a week." "The army did this?" Don Beto asks. "They sent a tank," Chato says. "They weren't keeping it a secret." Manny removes a small vial of red liquid from his pocket and sets it in front of Don Beto. "Drink this," he says, explaining that it's rattlesnake blood. "It'll give you incredible power, so no one can defeat you. Not even the army," he says. Don Beto looks at the vial skeptically and hands it back, musing that someone must be behind this attack. Miguel finally admits that General Poppy came to him a few days ago, wanting more money. Romulo, leaning against the wall, thinks they just ought to give him what he wants. "Three million is nothing," he says. Miguel retorts that if they give in on this point, they'll never see the end of it. "Why are we still standing here, talking?" Manny asks. "I personally volunteer to cut this general's heart out! I'll bring it back here and cook it up for you!" Wow, that's nuts. I love it. I think that, at some point, Aaron Spelling realized that the only way to go with this show was over the top. And bless him for it. Chato says that if they kill General Poppy, the army will really come after them. "Not if we go after his wife and children. Paint the streets red with their blood!" Manny crows. Don Beto rolls his eyes and tells Manny to chill. He needs the general here, he says, but he needs him alive. He asks Chato to go fetch him. "It's going to be difficult," Chato says. "He's surrounded by guards at all times." "I'll go," Miguel offers, explaining that the attack on the meth lab was a direct challenge to him. "He underestimates me. Let me go and use that against him," Miguel says. He promises he can do it in twenty-four hours. After some hemming and hawing, Don Beto agrees.

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