El Velorio

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Jessica: B+ | Grade It Now!
El Velorio

"So, I kind of like the shape of my breasts," a topless woman announces. Nice segue. She's in Dr. Benben's office, naturally, but he's not listening at all -- just staring off into the distance as she yaps about her hopes and dreams for a new rack. Eventually, she notices that he's totally zoned out. "Hello? Hello? Are you listening to me?" she asks. Eventually, Dr. Benben snaps to, and offers to "walk [her] through the process." At this moment, two young African-American guys burst through the door. The girl yelps and grabs for her shirt and ends up rolling off the exam table and onto the floor with a thud. Hee. The taller guy -- who was Eddie Winslow on Family Matters! -- tells Dr. Benben that they need to talk. The littler guy -- who was in Drumline -- looks totally thrilled by the glimpse of boobies he just got. Dr. Benben hustles them into his office...

...where he wonders what the hell their problem is! "You don't ever come to this office," he yells. "We need to talk, doc, a'ight?" Eddie Winslow announces. Awesome dialogue. Nice to see that Aaron Spelling paints everyone with the same broad brush of stereotyping. "Now, I wanna meet the Mexicans! But the big dogs," he says. Dr Benben hisses that they can't talk there in the office. "What the hell? Who's this?" he asks, pointing at Drumline. "My enforcer," Eddie Winslow says. Dr. Benben snorts that he finds this hard to believe. "You won't be laughing when I turn him loose on your ass," Eddie Winslow says. In the background, Drumline pokes at a fake plastic breast with a curious finger. "I've never seen him before, Truck," Dr. Benben says. "Does he look like a cop to you?" Truck asks. Which means, of course, that he totally is. "Look here, just introduce me to them Mexicans," Truck continues, explaining that now that he's moving more than two kilos a week, he doesn't need a middleman. Dr. Benben yells that he "wipes [his] ass on more than two kilos a week!" At the yelling, Drumline starts to reach for the pistol in his waistband. "You have no idea how this game is played! You know what you are, Truck? Do you know what you are?" Dr. Benben yells, poking Truck in the pectoral. Truck looks down at the offending finger. "No, tell me. Bitch," he drawls. "What?" Dr. Benben asks, realizing that maybe he's stepped over a line. "What I am," Truck says. "You are a man who is ready to make his move!" Dr Benben chirps suddenly. Perhaps he's realizes that the solution to all of his problems is right in front of him. At this switcheroo in tone, Drumline looks confused, but puts his piece away. "I think fate has brought you here today," Dr. Benben says cheerily, and invites them to take a seat. "Toffee?" he offers.

Cut to Truck's crib, where all of the drugs Dr Benben had been trying to unload are spread over a baby grand piano. "Damn, that's a lot of cocaine, baby," Truck coos, as he and another kid I'll call Polyester (thanks to his disco-era shirt) fondle the drugs. Drumline sits on the sofa and reads a magazine. "Should he even be here?" Polyester asks, nodding at Drumline. "Oh, yeah! He a'ight. Junie my boy!" Truck says. Wow, he is one well-spoken character. But at least Drumline's got himself a name. Truck turns and asks Junie if he'd like to take ten kilos for himself. "I ain't got nowhere to keep it," Junie says. "Keep it at YO HOUSE," Truck says, like this is supremely obvious. "Hell, no. That's my grandma house," Junie says. What I like about this show is that everyone is reduced to the basest of stereotypes. Or are they? I guess that remains to be seen. Anyway, Truck waves Junie's protests off, and changes the subject. He's ready to test the product. Mmm, product.

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