El Velorio

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | Grade It Now!
El Velorio

Back at the ranch, everyone races into the barn to see Miguel and his very, very doped-up general. Chato is very occupied, lashing Poppy to two posts. "The other cartels had nothing to do with it," Miguel is saying. "The general just wanted to improve his negotiating position." Don Beto nods and watches as Chato finishes up the bondage act with a smile. I'm sure he's very experienced in that arena. "He commands 1200 men and an artillery division. Miguel snatched him without firing a shot," Chato drawls, like this is the hottest thing he's ever heard. At this, Miguel looks over at him and winks! Don Beto examines the blissfully strung-out Poppy. "You always were a greedy bastard," he mutters. Manny comes up to Miguel. "Miguel, let me have a little piece of him," he asks. Miguel doesn't even look at him. "No, Manny. Let's keep him alive and intact." Miguel explains that Poppy will be real easy to deal with when he's totally addicted to heroin. Wow, that is evil. And I mean that in the best way possible.

Later -- I presume -- Miguel and Marlene get ready for Tio Jorge's funeral. But they get so distracted by how hot it is to be this evil that they just start making out, instead.

And we close on the funeral procession, as the family carries Tio Jorge's casket to the gravesite. Everyone makes very serious faces, but I'm sure that each of them is just trying to figure out what their next nefarious move ought to be. Killing someone and eating his heart? Setting someone's wife on fire? Pantsing Chato in the village square?

And, on Sunday: more cheesy shenanigans! This time, featuring both Sean Young and Evil Asian Dentist guy from Alias. Also, gunfire, voodoo, kick-boxing and yet another new hairdo for Marlene.

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