Kingpin

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 508 USERS: C+
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Pilot

Cut to Old El Paso. The cops find Delia's car, parked by the side of the road. They rescue her from the trunk. She looks like shit, but at least she's not dead. Dying in the pilot blows.

And we go to commercial at last! Thank you, kind sponsors! Praise be to God and all His Saints!

After seven delightful ad-filled minutes, we go back to the boat. Miguel hops on board and embraces his brother. They're very happy to see each other. I mean, very happy. Kind of...inappropriately happy. "It's good to see you, brother," Miguel says, looking down at Chato's piece. I'm talking about his gun, perverts. "He makes you wear that thing?" Miguel asks. Chato shrugs and explains that it's just in case the Americans "send a commando boat after" them. Wow, he's a real close talker. I seriously think he wants to kiss Miguel. Are they, like, in love? Because incest HoYay! is a really interesting directorial choice. I don't know if I would have gone in that direction myself, but to each his own. Anyway, Chato complains that his situation wouldn't be so bad if they'd let him leave the boat to get a decent meal. "He won't let me visit my daughter," he adds. "Maribel is fine," Miguel assures him. "Sure?" "Yeah."

And with that, Chato takes Miguel into a room full of half-dressed, very languid girls, smoking opium. A floating opium den! That is so the work of Aaron Spelling. I bet he's been trying to shoehorn an opium den into something for years! "Could Brenda and Kelly get kidnapped and sold into the opium trade? No...How about Amanda? Would Amanda Woodward maybe open an opium den in Allison's apartment while Allison is in rehab? Probably not...I know! The Camdens discover that Ruthie is going to an opium den instead of soccer practice! No, that's all wrong....Hey! I know!" Yeah, so, Miguel is appalled. "How long has this been going on?" Miguel asks, looking at his unconscious uncle. "Last three weeks, he's been chasing it non-stop. There's nothing else to do out here," Chato says. Tio Jorge is passed out in red silk boxers, on red silk sheets, in the midst of the girls. Yet another delicious Spelling touch. Miguel looks concerned. "Chato, why didn't you tell me?" he asks. Chato shrugs that he knew Miguel would only worry.

Back on dry land, Hank is visiting Delia at the hospital. He sits and asks her how she feels. "Boss...I'm sorry," she whispers. He tells her that this whole mess is his fault. "I didn't believe in this operation from the get-go. I wanted to stay focused on Jorge Perez." In other words, it's his fault because he was right? That does not resemble our earth logic. Delia blinks plaintively. "I walked him right into it. I got that kid killed," she says. Hank gently takes her hands. "Patterson died a hero's death," he says. "We still don't know what happened to the rest of his body." Delia makes a perplexed face, and Hank explains that "they only sent the head. Sent it to the U.S. Embassy in Mexico City with the ID in its mouth." That's what I'm talking about! Severed heads! Tigers! Weird, V.C. Andrews-esque brotherly love!

Kingpin

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