Kingpin

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 508 USERS: C+
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Pilot

The SUVs roar to a halt, discharging a whole passel of guys in tight pants and cowboy hats and big old belt buckles. Miguel greets the one that appears to be their leader. (He's wearing the tightest pants.) The leader is tiny, and potentially very, very gay. "Miguel! I have an idea. We dig a tunnel," he begins very cheerfully. Miguel hisses at him to shut up, because he's very busy doing business with the governor. Ah, I get it. Little Tight Pantalones -- whose name, we later learn, is Ernesto -- is the embarrassing relative who just doesn't get how inappropriate he can be. Ernesto struts up to Governor Moustache and waves a fat wad of bills in the man's face. "Want some money? I got money," he offers. Miguel is all, "Oy," and calls Ernesto back. Ernesto is very enthusiastic about this tunnel idea. He wants to dig it right into the middle of the United States. "With engineers," he clarifies. "We can do eet," he yelps, sounding like nothing so much as Bela Karoly at a particularly close gymnastics match. Miguel calmly wonders what the Americans will do when they discover this tunnel. "They won't find out about it! It's a tunnel!" Ernesto yelps cheerfully. Aw, he's so enthusiastic! Sure, he's clearly the Dumb Relative Humiliating Miguel In Front of Very Important People, but at least he's got some spunk! Miguel asks Ernesto if they can talk about the tunnel thing when he gets back from Colombia. Ernesto sort of rolls his eyes, and Miguel asks him to go shake the governor's hand and "show him some respect." "I'd like someone to show me some respect," Miguel's Mole mutters. "I'm acting my ass off up here." Ernesto makes some cranky-baby noises about having to make nice with the government. "The things you do, they reflect on your whole family," Miguel says. And here we go. The other day, Omar G ["who is Hispanic, but who is not, to my knowledge, a drug dealer" -- Wing Chun] pointed out to me that movies and television shows revolving around the Hispanic community always come back to someone talking very seriously about La Familia. And, as he is about so many things, he's completely correct. And that's the inaugural La Familia mention, numero uno on the old La Familia meter. La Familia Count: One. So, Ernesto goes over there and very cheerfully shakes hands with Governor Moustache. "I do it for you, Miguel! I do it for you!" he yells. "See, Miguel! I could be nice! I could be nice!" Miguel just makes a put-upon face.

Kingpin

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