Okay. I'm ready for the commercial break. The commercials can pop up any time now. For the love of my fingers, please let the commercials happen soon. But instead we cut to Miguel's private jet, where Joey plays backgammon with some flunky and a mini-skirted flight attendant serves drinks. If I ever have a private plane, I'm totally going to hire only hot guys as flight attendants and I'm going to make them wear hot pants. Miguel's on the Batphone with Sheryl Lee, whose character's name, we finally learn, is Marlene. "The pilot is alive," Marlene spits, before filling Miguel in on the whole deal, explaining that the DA is willing to cut Colonel Solis a deal if he'll testify against whomever he was moving the coke for. "Honey, you need to come home," she tells him. Miguel says he'll be there in an hour and hangs up. He's looking thoughtful when Joey climbs on his lap and asks if he wants to play backgammon. But Miguel's mind is too weighted with the demands of being a drug dealer to play a board game with his son. To his credit, he does look perturbed by his inability to play with the moppet, and pulls him into his lap to make up for it.
Aw, yeah! It's man-eating tiger time! Cut to Cuidad Juarez, and the most over-the-top, pimptastic, gold-plated house ever decorated by man. It's really rather spectacular. People, Donatella Versace would think this place was too much. Apparently, Marlene and Miguel are visiting Ernesto. Marlene explains that "the Colonel is ready to do a full five years." He's not going to sell them out. But Ernesto is still pissed. "Your wife has one job, Miguel! To keep people out of jail! Why can't she do it?" he asks. Marlene just looks bored, as Ernesto yells that they paid good money to that judge. "Okay? We paid GOOD MONEY!" To punctuate this point, Ernest takes out yet another massive bankroll and throws all the cash at Marlene and Miguel. They roll their eyes in unison. Miguel calmly explains that the DA outmaneuvered them. "Okay. So we kill him. We kill him TONIGHT!" Ernesto yells. Man, is he a nutball! It's rather entertaining, really. "Kill the judge?" Marlene drawls sarcastically. "The district attorney," Ernesto hollers back at her. "Yeah, and the judge. Kill the judge, too! I don't care!" Marlene and Miguel exchange looks, and Miguel explains that they really don't want to go to war with the government. Marlene points out that they really need to find out how the government could keep the pilot a secret for so long. "God! QUIT!" Ernesto screams. "Tell your wife that her voice, her little nyah-nyah voice, is making me sick!" Ernesto sounds like a frustrated recapper. Miguel tells him to chill. "With your father on the run, the government is getting aggressive. We have to be twice as smart now," he says. Ernesto throws another little tantrum and yells that he's the one who's calling the shots. "Me! ¡El Huevudo!" And then he grabs his balls. There's a whole lot of ball-grabbing on this show. Do they do that on The Sopranos? Huh? Do they? Despite this incredible display, Marlene and Miguel and their flunkies are unimpressed. Ernesto grabs his gun. "I say how it has to be!" he announces, and fires a couple of rounds off into the ceiling. Marlene rolls her eyes and walks off. "Where are you going?" Ernesto asks her. "You are a little much for me today," Marlene deadpans. "What did you say to me, ¿guera?" Ernesto yells at her, his gold medallion swinging furiously across his chest hair. He tosses his firearm to his flunky. "Take her out there," he tells his men. "Take me where?" Marlene asks. "Marlene, please," Miguel says calmly, as Ernesto gets his whip. Yes, I said "his whip." Ernesto announces that he's going to tie Marlene to a tree and use his whip on her bare back. Now he really sounds like a frustrated recapper. "Take her home, both of you. Now," Miguel tells their...bodyguards? Friends? People? Flunkies? Whatever.