Kingpin
Pilot

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Pilot

Outside is a huge SUV with a big bow on it. Marlene and Miguel make identical appalled faces. "Surprise! That's for you. To make up for trying to beat you with my whip!" Ernesto chirps. "Wonderful," Marlene crabs. Must she be so unpleasant? Ernesto is just trying to apologize! Ernesto asks if things are okay now, with them. "It matches your house," he offers meekly. Miguel and Marlene are looking stunned when another car pulls into the driveway, this one piloted by Rafael. With a dead body in the back of his truck. This, of course, is when all hell breaks loose: Miguel is yelling that he doesn't do business at his house! Rafael is tossing around Patterson's DEA badge and looking for his $500,000! Marlene is squealing like a scalded cat! Finally, Miguel tackles Ernesto and forces him to focus. "You bring this to my house! You bring this to my house! My family is here!" (La Familia Count: three.) Ernesto doesn't really get the logic, here. "Insane! You assassinated a U.S. Federal Agent!" Marlene yells. Joey watches from the window. If y'all are so worried about the kid, maybe you should keep your voices down, you know. Miguel asks if Jorge knows about this assassination thing. "He approved it," Ernesto tells him. " If La Dea comes after us, we go after La Dea." Everyone looks at each other for a beat. "So, you want the body or what?" Rafael finally asks. Hee. "I pay for it, no?" Ernesto replies. Finally, Miguel shoos all of them off his property and away from the house. "Miguel's a party pooper, anyway. Let's go," Ernesto says. I sort of love Crazy Ernesto. Everyone very cheerfully leaves, as Miguel and Marlene mope.

Cut to Old El Paso. The cops find Delia's car, parked by the side of the road. They rescue her from the trunk. She looks like shit, but at least she's not dead. Dying in the pilot blows.

And we go to commercial at last! Thank you, kind sponsors! Praise be to God and all His Saints!

After seven delightful ad-filled minutes, we go back to the boat. Miguel hops on board and embraces his brother. They're very happy to see each other. I mean, very happy. Kind of...inappropriately happy. "It's good to see you, brother," Miguel says, looking down at Chato's piece. I'm talking about his gun, perverts. "He makes you wear that thing?" Miguel asks. Chato shrugs and explains that it's just in case the Americans "send a commando boat after" them. Wow, he's a real close talker. I seriously think he wants to kiss Miguel. Are they, like, in love? Because incest HoYay! is a really interesting directorial choice. I don't know if I would have gone in that direction myself, but to each his own. Anyway, Chato complains that his situation wouldn't be so bad if they'd let him leave the boat to get a decent meal. "He won't let me visit my daughter," he adds. "Maribel is fine," Miguel assures him. "Sure?" "Yeah."

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Kingpin

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