Knight Rider

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: C- | Grade It Now!
A Talking Car?! Get Outta Here!

All right, Knight Rider! Finally, we're recapping some classic television shows! Maybe we'll get some Riptide and Whiz Kids going, too! You probably don't remember Whiz Kids; it was a lot like Misfits of Science, except without the superpowers and the Courtney Cox.

And now, obviously, I do the bit where I say "Wait, what? We're not doing the David Hasselhoff Knight Rider? This is a new show?" bit and we all have a good laugh. Well, I don't feel like it. I just wanted to reference Whiz Kids, and now that I've done that we might as well just dive right in. There's no time to lose; this thing might be cancelled at any moment. In fact, I'll tell you a little Inside Recapping Secret: I'm actually recapping this using because I'm worried the show will get the axe before it even airs.

Previously: the TV movie, and also the series from the 1980s. And wasn't there a Team Knight Rider that involved teenagers and motorcycles at one point? I'm almost certain that happened. Okay! Enough stalling. Let's light this candle, if that's an appropriate use of the metaphor.

We fade in on a place called "Foreign Consulate, USA". There are men in tuxedos, bald security personnel, women in fancy dresses, and exciting music. Michael (son of Michael Knight from the old series) catches sight of a briefcase and goes after it while announcing his intentions loudly. You'd think a guy with a high-tech earpiece like that would be quieter than your average Bluetooth jackass, but apparently not. The bald security goons notice him practically shouting "I'VE GOT IT IN SIGHT! SARAH? SARAH?" and close in while talking into their sleeves. That also could be less conspicuous. Meanwhile, in the "Vault Room" of the "Consulate Information Center," Sarah is monkeying with a computer and hiding a glowing Flash Drive in her cleavage. Wait, isn't that the worst place to hide it? I'm just saying, it seems like people are going to be looking there, what with the shiny, black, low-cut dress, the necklace shaped like a big cleavage arrow, and the 40%-exposed breasteses.

Security goons surprise her and threaten her with a glowing green ooze and a hypodermic needle. [It's Mutagen! Run, April O'Neil! - Zach] Michael realizes there's something wrong and calls on KITT. Finally! We're like a minute and a half into the show, and we hadn't seen a single car yet! KITT calls up a "Surveillance Tap", which he projects onto his... own... windshield? So he can see it better? I guess? Anyway, one of the four cameras that KITT has access to shows Sarah in the vault room. KITT informs Michael of this, helpfully adding, "You are not in the vault room." Having accessed Exposition Mode, KITT further explains that Michael has less than two minutes to "make contact, acquire the package, and retrieve the files." Man, this is about the vaguest show ever, isn't it? They're in an unnamed foreign consulate, and they have to get a generic package and some random files? Maybe they used up all their specificity on the car. (I hear it's a 2008 Ford Mustang!)

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Knight Rider




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