Lost

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al science doohickey able to predict that Ajira 316 would be flying over it in 2007? How did that thing work, anyhow? I...don't get it. I know. I know. Welcome back to Lost. Right.

And it's back to the future we go. Jack drops the bomb in the shaft. The bomb fails to ignite. Juliet gets dragged into the shaft. Sawyer struggles to save her and they cry and cry. Maybe I do too. WHAT OF IT? Then Juliet falls to the bottom. Sawyer cries some more. Juliet bangs her rock on the Jughead and KABOOM everything fades to white. We get to see this again, even though we just relived it during the Previouslies. Gee, thanks so much, Darlton.

We close in on an eye, but it's not Jack's. Right away, it's clear that it belongs to Kate. She's lying flat on her back and there's something wrong with the sound on my TV. NOT NOW! I curse my ABC affiliate or possibly my cable provider and turn on the closed captioning, which tells me the sound is muffled. I pause the DVR to reverse the curse. Kate rolls over, which is a splendidly bad idea, almost as bad an idea as having cage-sex in front of a security camera, because it turns out she's not on the ground. She's in a damned tree; and almost falls out of it. Her gasps and cries for help are muffled. She finally climbs down from the tree and wanders until Miles finds her. She tackles him before she realizes who he is. He can't hear Kate when she asks what happened and where they are, but then she spies a familiar site through the vines. We know it's the door to the Swan hatch, but Miles doesn't. He asks her what it is. Kate says, "We're back," and runs off. Miles catches up with her when she stops at the hatch-pit. Miles asks if it's the Swan site. It kind of is, but Kate says, "No," because she knows that he means to ask if they're looking at ground zero of the Jughead bomb detonation. She further clarifies: "That's the hatch -- after Desmond blew it up." Whole 'nother explosion -- you dig, Miles? Miles guesses we're not in 1977. I'm guessing he's right. Kate has no time for guessing though, because she spies both her boyfriends lying unconscious on the jungle floor. She sees Sawyer first, but it's to Jack that she runs. 'Shippers, make of that what you will. She rouses him and when he learns they're at the hatch, he says, "They built it?" The next thing you know, he's getting kicked in the head by Sawyer and even though I like Jack, I laugh like a loon. He falls off the edge and all the way down into the hatch-pit as Sawyer yells, "YOU WERE WRONG!" Kate scurries down the vines to get Jack. Sawyer follows right after her, yelling all the way. "THAT'S THE DAMN SWAN HATCH. JUST LIKE WE LEFT IT. BLOWN UP -- JUST LIKE WE LEFT IT." I'm not transcribing his whole rant. I can barely listen to it right now. It's too soon. At any rate, he is hurt and angry because Juliet is dead on account of the whole cockamamie Jack Daniels plan that Sawyer never wanted any part of in the first place, but in the end, totally committed to. Jack's voice breaks as he does his best to apologize, but I don't see any tears. Is this yet another new reality, or do I just need HDTV?

Plane Reality: Jack goes to the bathroom again, and I've seen a lot of people making fun of this, but it's a long-ass flight from Sydney to L.A. so I'm cutting him some slack. Outside, he spots Yellow Eyes. Quick Jack, get Dean. He's probably crying into a pillow 'cause he hates to fly, but he hates Yellow Eyes even more. Oh, wrong show. Check. On Lost, Fredric Lehne plays not Azazel, but Marshal Edward Mars (somewhere, Veronica is yelling "No relation!"). Sometimes it's hard to tell Azazel and Mars apart. Mars has taken our girl Kate into custody. Jack asks the Marshal if he's in line, but he says that he's just waiting for a friend. When Katie pushes open the lav door, she stumbles and bumps into Jack. Check your pockets, Doc! He can't hear me. He's so twitterpated at first sight, I don't think he even sees her cuffs. Back in their seats, Mars slides Kate's food tray in front of her, but he takes away her knife and fork. Have fun eating that lasagna, Kate! Kate's less amused than I am. "What am I going to do -- stab you and run?" Mars doesn't like being mocked, or perhaps he's just an ill-tempered yellow-eyed demon in blue contact lenses, but when Sawyer walks by and sort of bumps his arm-rest, he gets all grumpy. "Hey, watch where you're going, buddy." Kate deftly hides her chained hands under her tray before Sawyer turns to look at the rude Marshal Mars, but she might not have moved quickly enough. Sawyer smirks at her and then turns his attention to Edward. "Sorry. My bad." Not even a "son of a bitch"? Oh, this is definitely a different world.

On his way back to his seat, Sawyer passes by Dr. Arzt, who is chatting up Hurley. He wants Hurley to do the Australian accent he does on the commercials for his fast-food empire: Mr. Cluck's Chicken. Arzt is so impressed that such a magnate is flying coach with the yutzes. Arzt asks Hurley how he got to own a major corporation (note that, please -- not just a franchise). Hurley says, "I won the lottery and I like chicken, so I bought it." Sawyer scowls at this, and once Arzt is gone, he cautions Hurley not to be advertising the fact that he won the lottery, because people will try to take advantage of him. Oh, and you think that's a change. Get a load of this: Hurley thanks Sawyer for the advice, but says that won't happen. "Nothing bad ever happens to me. I'm the luckiest guy alive." Is anyone else getting a bloody nose?

Island Reality; Jungle: Hurley's sitting outside the VW Bus, next to an ever-so-slowly dying Sayid. When Jin climbs out of the bus, Hurley -- whose hearing must also be affected -- yells, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" Jin non-answers, "I found a flashlight," so he can't hear either, or this season is going to be way weirder than expected. And hey, did the bus flash forward in time with them, because Jin was in it and Hurley was leaning against it? Does that square with our past experience with time jumps? Oh man, I can't watch every fricking old episode before every fricking new one. Anyhow Hurley shouts to Jin, asking him what just happened and how the sky changed from day to night. Softly, Jin says that they must have moved through time. Hurley asks how he knows. Jin says, "White flash, headache, can't hear -- happened to me before." Hurley, still yelling, wonders what happened to everyone else. Jin says, "I don't know. They took one of the other vans and went up to the worksite. And then...I--" Hurley shushes him, because although he can't hear well enough to realize he's yelling when he talks, he can hear Sawyer yelling from a distance. So can Jin, who takes off and leaves Hurley with Sayid's head in his lap.

Hatch-Pit: Jack says the bomb must have gone off. Sawyer scoffs at the idea that they could have survived it, and continues to scream at Jack about how little he knows and how wrong he is. Just then, Jin shows up and tells them that Sayid needs Jack's help. Kate hears something and heads toward the pile of debris in the middle of the pit. Sawyer keeps harping on Jack until Kate shushes him and makes him listen. That's when they hear it -- Juliet's muffled cry for help. She's in the ur-pit of the hatch-pit, covered with all the hatch remains. Kate, Sawyer and Jack rush to dig her out. Miles joins in. We cut to...

VW Bus: Sayid is conscious and coughing up blood. Hurley covers his own mouth. "Oh God, oh God this is gross." Oh how uncomfortable for you Hurley, that Sayid had to get shot. Sheesh. He tells Sayid not to worry, which is the standard incantation people utter when it's totally time to worry. So worry, Sayid does -- specifically about what waits for him in the great beyond. With his history of torture and murder, he's none too optimistic. Hurley tries to get him to stop dwelling, which Sayid does when they hear footsteps approaching. Hurley calls

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Lost

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