Lost

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Double Your Fun
mps in. "Go now." The cabbie protests. He already has a customer. Kate whips out Mars' gun and aims it at the driver. "I said go." The customer chimes in. It's CLAIRE! We only see her from the neck up, so we don't know if Aaron is in her belly and therefore with his two mommies or not. Claire stares at the gun. "What are you doing?" Kate screams at the driver: "Go now." The cab peels out of the airport, as Mars runs after it. We cut to...

Island Reality; Temple: Cindy leads Zach and Emma into the temple and asks the Losties if they'd like something to eat or drink. She instructs the children to bring the refreshments around. It's all part of the island's Flight Attendant Training Program. What? Jack and Kate look up when they hear someone approaching from outside. It's more Templars. Two drag in an unconscious Sawyer. Another kicks Miles through the doorway. All the Losties rush to him. Miles says the Templars jumped them in the jungle. Sawyer took out four of them, before they took a rock to his head. Kate crouches down to examine Sawyer's head injury. Jack emos -- but not for long. Lennon comes in and summons Hurley to meet with him and Yoko. In a back room, Lennon translates -- saying Yoko wants to know what Jacob told him. Hurley answers that Jacob wanted them to come to the temple. "He said that you guys would save Sayid." Lennon translates: "He was beyond saving." It's then that Hurley realizes that Lennon doesn't translate any of the English back to Yoko. When he calls them on it, Yoko replies, "I don't like the way English tastes on my tongue." Well, bully for you. I'm glad I'm calling you Yoko, now. Yoko and Lennon want to know if and when Jacob is coming to the temple. Hurley raises an eyebrow. "I really don't think that's going to happen, man." Yoko looks at Lennon. Lennon looks at Hurley who adds, "You know...'cause he's dead." They stare at Hurley, who says, "What? You guys didn't know?" In the distance, we can hear a bell ring as we cut to...

Pool area: The clanging of the bell is closer now, and there's hubbub all around. Yoko and Lennon go outside and bark orders at the Templars, who start pouring ash around the borders, putting out fires, and shooting off fireworks into the daytime sky. Hurley observes all this and says to Lennon, "I guess we're not getting out of here, huh?" Lennon says this isn't to keep the Losties in. "It's to keep him out." Hurley asks, "Him...who?" and we cut to...

Four-Toes Base: Ben asks Faux-Locke what he is. Faux-Locke says, "I'm not a what, Ben, I'm a who." Ben says he's a monster, which is the pot calling the kettle, isn't it? Faux-Locke says, "Let's not resort to name calling." He pulls the stake out of Bram and drags his body over next to the bodies of the other goonies. Ben is incensed because Faux-Locke "used" him. Faux-Locke contends that he didn't make Ben do anything. "You should know, he was very confused when you killed him." Ben looks at him in disbelief. "I seriously doubt that Jacob was ever confused." Faux-Locke isn't talking about Jacob. "I'm talking about John Locke. Do you want to know what he was thinking while you choked the life out of him, Benjamin -- what the last thought that ran through his head was?" A beat. "I don't understand." Faux-Locke thinks that's the saddest thing he ever heard but says it's fitting, considering what a sad victim Locke was when he first came to the island. "He was weak, pathetic, and irreparably broken. But despite all of that, there was something admirable about him. He was the only one of them who didn't want to leave -- the only one who realized how pitiful the life he left behind actually was." When Faux-Locke sits back with a satisfied smile, Ben asks him what he wants. Faux-Locke says that's the great irony, here. "I want the one thing that John Locke didn't. I want to go...home." And holy crap, is that the scariest face anyone has made on this island in the past five and a half years? That sucker's going to give me nightmares. Commercial.

Island Reality: Hurley leans over Sayid's body and whispers: "Goodbye, dude. If you ever want to talk -- I'm around." Miles is sitting on the other side of Sayid, just staring and shaking his head. When Hurley asks him, "What?" Miles shakes his head again and says, "Nothing." Across the way, Kate mops Sawyer's brow in the way the Losties do, that never, ever seems to wipe anything off of them. Sawyer blinks awake and asks, "Where are we?" Kate says they're in a temple. Sawyer says, "We got caught by the Others, again." Kate says, "Yeah, only this time, they're protecting us, I think." Sawyer groans as he sits up. Kate looks at him. "I'm so sorry." Across the way, Jack sits alone with his guilt. Kate explains to Sawyer that Jack is just trying to help everyone. Sawyer says, "I ain't gonna kill Jack. He deserves to suffer on this rock, just like the rest of us." Yeah, because he's a murderer like you and Kate and...oh, wait!

L.A. Reality: Jack's on the phone explaining to his mother that his father's corpse has gone missing. Sheesh. Talk about family drama. You know, the anniversary of my dad's death was this week. A few weeks after he passed, my mother and I went to visit the grave and see if the headstone was on, yet. It was, but it was someone else's stone. Now, dad's lot was very easy to find, so we knew we didn't mess up the location. The fricking cemetery or stone carver or some combination of the two screwed it up. It was so disturbing. It was disturbing to the point where I felt like a fool for being as disturbed as I was, and yet...I still was, and remained that way until the other person's stone was moved to the right lot and dad's stone was delivered and installed. I...I just can't even imagine being in Jack's shoes, here. "Hi, we lost your father's body." What do you say to that? "Oh, okay. Where's my other luggage?" I mean, how do you not take a nutty right there and then? Granted, taking a nutty isn't going to help anything, and the poor clerk on this end didn't do the losing, but I still don't know how you avoid taking one. I'm not a very good grown-up, I fear. ANYhow, Jack tells his mom he scheduled the service so soon because he wanted to get it over with. He doesn't know what else to tell her, except that they can't have the service without his father. You can, Jack. It's called a memorial. Jack ends his call and puts away his phone with a sigh. From behind him, we hear Locke's voice. "What did you lose?" After the expected, "You wouldn't believe it if I told you," shenanigans, Jack explains the tale of the lost Christian father.

Locke offers his condolences and Jack says that although the coffin was supposed to be loaded onto the plane in Sydney, it wasn't. "Apparently he's somewhere 'in transit' which is their way of saying they have no idea where the hell he is." Locke, as socially awkward as ever, says, "Well, how could they know?" Jack boggles at this, so Locke explains himself. "No, I'm not talking about the coffin. I mean -- how could they know where he is? They didn't lose your father, they just lost his body." Jack jumps across the room and chokes Locke dead. Oh wait, that was just my imagination. Jack actually takes this inappropriate conversation in the spirit in which it was intended. The touching music starts up again as Jack nods and Locke flashes him a warm grin. Is he crying yet? His cheeks look shiny, but I can't see actual tears. Jack, how will we know for sure it's you if you don't cry? Locke says, "Either way, your story beats the hell out of mine. All that was in my suitcase was a bunch of knives." Jack asks if Locke's some kind of salesman. Locke says, "Yeah, something like that." Willy Loman rolls his eyes. The men wish each other luck, but as Locke starts to wheel his way out of the claims office, Jack asks him what happened to put him in the chair. "I'm sorry. I'm only asking because I'm a spinal surgeon -- I didn't mean to..." Suck? Locke doesn't mind sharing. "Uh, surgery isn'

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