Las Vegas

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B | 1027 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Danny's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

If Danny were smart, he'd realize that the only good answer to that is, "I'll clean out my desk." Fortunately for us, he's kind of dim. So he just answers, "No, sir. I do not [routinely jump into bed with mystery women]." Big Ed jumps on him with both feet: "So it's just with my daughter, then."

Danny VOs that he walked into that one. Well, we're in agreement there. Big Ed makes with some wordless agita -- he is pushing every single one of Danny's buttons, I think -- and then wheels around and begins rattling off plotlines for this week. The casino's misplaced a whale. Have they checked with Japan or Norway recently? Those countries are always around the whales. Actually, "whale" is the term for mega-high-roller, the kind of guy who makes Ben Affleck look like he's playing three-card monte in a high school cafeteria. Anyway, Warren Herman -- the whale, whom the Montecito flew in on a private jet -- has gone missing. He didn't even make it to the casino. Danny absently asks, "Did you sweep the airport?" Big Ed says, "Excuse me? What?" Danny realizes his mistake: "Of course you swept the airport. I'm sorry. You probably checked the hospitals, the jails, the morgue, you ran an electronic trail." Yes, Big Ed did, in between thinking up guilt trips to lay on Danny.

And now he lays some work on Danny: find the whale. Danny protests that he just came off a double shift, apparently not thinking about how Big Ed doesn't want another reason to think about why Danny is tired. Big Ed more or less reiterates that, adds that they'll iron out their personal issues later, and sends Danny out the door to go whale-hunting.

But before Danny can go, he also has to make Mr. and Mrs. Johnson happy; they're celebrating their 30th anniversary at the casino, and Big Ed wants Danny to find out what Mrs. J wants, then go get it for her. Before Danny can ask questions about whether or not Mrs. J has all the pieces in her silver service set, one of the techs sing-songs, "Our elevator exhibitionist is back! This time, it's a cowboy." We see a grinning woman pulling a man into an elevator.

Big Ed is unswayed. He lays out Danny's priorities: bust the cheating guy, find out what the deal is with Bunnny Slippers, hunt the whale, and get Mrs. J an anniversary present. Danny stands there, gaping slightly. There's no way this guy survived the Marines. Marine World, maybe.

Danny VOs, "It's gonna be one of those days." Just as he turns to go, Big Ed says casually, "Oh, Danny...welcome to the family." Danny's blood curdles as he remembers what kind of Family James Caan is normally associated with, and he whispers, "What?" Big Ed clarifies: "If I catch you looking at another girl, take a poison pill, 'cause I'll kill you." Danny stands there, staring dumbly. I know we're only eleven minutes in the first episode of the show, but I'm beginning to get the impression that they could replace Josh Duhamiel with a mannequin and nobody would be the wiser.

Las Vegas

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