Las Vegas
Pilot

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Danny's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

As Danny tries to take off again -- Jesus, Rick and Ilsa's goodbye scene in Casablanca wasn't this drawn out -- Mike reminds him, "Don't forget about my barbecue tomorrow night. I got some new gadgets I've been working on." Yeah, forget the food aspect of "barbecue." And why do I have the feeling that Mike and his gadgets will be featured in all sorts of plots -- comic or otherwise -- through the coming season? ["He's the Marshall of Las Vegas." -- Sars] Anyway, Danny wheels around and asks, "You're not going to set my car on fire again, are you?" Yup. Comic gadget plotlines all year long. The two bicker for a while until Danny's phone goes off, and then Mike's all, "Get your phone, Ahab, and go find your whale." Danny heads off.

It's Big Ed on the phone, requesting a status report. Danny nearly gets run over by a valet he obviously doesn't know as he recaps the last few minutes of his workday for Big Ed's benefit. The PDA-holding valet scampers off as Danny gets into his own car. Danny tells Big Ed, "I got a line on the whale at a strip club; the whale's favorite stripper goes on at midnight." This makes Big Ed happy, as it means that "you'll have time to join the family for a little late-night dinner at Alize. Thirty minutes. Don't be late." You know, if Big Ed was in the CIA, I'd bet he was really, really good at coercion.

Danny drives down the Strip in his convertible, the neon lights gleaming on his blank face as he VOs, "Late-night dinner with him and his family? What is with him and the family thing?" Dude, I thought you were up on your Agincourt and your Henry V. Clearly, Big Ed sees himself as Charles VI of France, Delinda is Catherine of Valois, and you, my friend, have just been maneuvered into maintaining the kingdom. Danny frets some more while he's driving, and concludes, "Never sleep with the boss's daughter. Never." He didn't get out of the Marines without having figured this out? If the word "Marine" is anywhere in his background, it's surely buried in another context, like "Hey, Danny, want to go see the Marine-rs?"

Oh, thank God, we finally go to commercials. There's something a little bit off about airing a Molly-Sims-as-virginal-bride commercial during this show.

And now we're at Alize, which is evidently in the Palms. Mrs. Big Ed -- would you call her "Mrs. Big"? "Mrs Ed"? Let's just call her Jillian, since that's her name. Anyway, Jillian is asking Big Ed, "Which are you more upset about: that your protege is sleeping with your daughter, or that your protege didn't know it was your daughter?" Why should Big Ed have to prioritize? Big Ed steps around the question and says, "I want to know why you didn't tell me she was in town." Jillian shrugs, "She wanted to surprise you." Big Ed avers that he was surprised, all right. Jillian coos, "Eddie, don't do what you did to the last boy. It wasn't nice." That's when Danny steps into the restaurant; Paulie runs interference until Jillian warns, "Call off your dog, Eddie." Big Ed goes to put the moves on his lady for knowing him so well, but she's not done messing with his head yet: "Know what I think? I think you don't want to share him. I think you want to keep this kid all to yourself, which is why I never met him. And I think that you're afraid you're going to lose him to your daughter, and you're really pissed off about it." Big Ed gives her a noncommittal smile while the rest of us wonder what exactly was so overwhelming about Delinda and Danny's relationship. Then Jillian repeats, "Call off your dog, Eddie." He pauses, and her hand dives for the inside of his thigh as she smiles, "If you ever want to go on another gondola ride..." Those are apparently the magic words.

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Las Vegas

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