Las Vegas
Semper Spy

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Heaving Las Vegas

Mary's asking Sam how she messed up with the Warners. Sam explains that they had the same last names and similar check-in dates, which sounds like a lame excuse to me. But Ma and Pop Warner have something no whale ever has, says Sam. A whole lotta heart? No. Gratitude. Oh. Mary wonders when Sam's going to pull the plug on the Nice Warners' dream. Sam just groans.

Ed's on the phone, telling the surveillance room to go over the security tapes again. He gets off and tells Danny that there's no record of the thieves leaving the loading dock. Danny wonders if the thieves actually went inside the casino, which Ed dismisses. Well, they didn't just disappear, says Danny, like, maybe he should be a little more apologetic to his boss for allowing thieves to make off with more than three million dollars in jewelry. Ed spies something off-camera. "We looked everywhere, right?" "Yeah." "And they're not in the casino." "How do you know?" says Danny. "They're under it," says Ed, and the camera pans down to a manhole cover on the ground, and the camera zips and zooms through the sewer to its end at some empty aqueduct, and we pull back, and there are Ed and Danny, sitting in a car, waiting for the thieves. There aren't any police officers with them, or security guards or anything. Just the two of them, chatting about Ed's trip to Hawaii, Danny asking Ed if he didn't have a nice time. "Well, you know. Ten minutes of looking at the ocean, ten minutes of looking at the sand, two days watching the stupid monkeys stealing coconuts from the tree outside of my room there…" Danny points out that there are no monkeys in Hawaii. Ed's all, whuh? But they're interrupted by the sound of the sewer grate opening, so it looks like they luckily picked the right opening, hey? And then of course they race down the embankment and chase down the jewel thieves, who are terrified by the pretty boy and the old man chasing them, even though they are carrying GUNS. And Danny and Ed chase them down and beat them up and get the diamonds back. What a load.

Back at the Montecito, the Nice Warners, all excited, find Sam in the restaurant. Looks like the Lucky Burger did the trick, as they've started gambling, and Jim won $200 bucks at blackjack! Cha-ching! Sam's happy for them, then lowers the boom, telling them that there was a mix-up when they checked in. But guess what -- they knew! And they should have said something, but they were just having such a good time. Suddenly, nice guy that he is, Jim's worried. "You're not in trouble, are you?" "No, I'm not in trouble, it's just that you're going to have to…" Pay for our rooms, assumes Jim. No, no, says Sam, but you will have to move out. "We're already packed," says Janet. Just then, Sam notices the Warner Prick at a table, berating the waitress over his meal. Turning back to the nice Warners, she says they're staying in their suite. "You sure?" says Janet. "Yes, I'm positive," says Sam. Then the Warners invite her to join them at the buffet, but Sam's all, no way. You're eating in HERE tonight. And the Warners thank her effusively, saying they'll never forget this. "Neither will I," says Sam to herself.

Mike's helping the oldest couple in the world into the casino, when Frank hops up just to thank him. "You are a genuine brother and I appreciate it," says Frank, and Mike gives him a minor lecture on how the idea of a human good-luck charm is ludicrous. Frank's all, tell me about it. It was the gum! Frank's all, gum? Frank reminds him of the gum he stepped in, and how his luck changed after he scraped it off, so he went back to the bar, found the gum, then went back to the tables. He shows Mike the gum, which he's gone to the trouble of putting in a little plastic bubble that he's wearing around his neck. Needless to say, Frank's money clip is a lot fatter. "No hard feelings?" says Frank. Mike shakes Frank's hand and says he hopes his luck lasts. Then he hands the scene off to Mary and Sam strolling by. Sam's asking Mary about the jet going out, and Mary says it's going out in the evening to pick up Tony Bennett in New York. Sam tells her she's got some people to send out on it. Mary figures it out instantly and starts laughing. "Making a drop-off in Chicago?" she says. "No reason Jim and Janet shouldn't go out in style," says Sam. Is this show being paid for by the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce or something? Lessons we're learning -- that you can make thousands if you step in gum, and maybe if you have the same last name as a big spender, you might get the royal treatment. And the casino won't make you pay for it once they realize the mix-up!

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Las Vegas

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