Ed
Last Chance

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Uncle Bob: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Last Chance

Previously on Ed: all of a sudden, Diane Snyder was the hottest girl in Stuckeyville High with two -- count 'em -- two suitors. Granted, the two suitors are two of the biggest dirtheads Stuckeyville High has to offer, but that goes without saying. Then, in the adult section of Stuckeyville, Ed was all gooey for Carol again now that she's being wooed by the Jackass, bringing us full circle to the beginning of the series. If this were tied up any prettier, Martha Stewart would be the head writer.

So Carol and Jackass are walking through Stuckeyville Park, Carol singing, "No more pencils, no more books, no more....uuuus dirty looks." She finds this incredibly witty and tells Jackass to get into it. He swears he's into it, and that this sullen glare he's wearing is his "Getting Into It" face.

Meanwhile, Ed and Mike are walking on the opposite side of the park. Mike bets Ed $10 that he won't wolf-whistle at a man. Ed says he's not in the mood for any silly f'n bets, and even if he were, wolf-whistling at a man goes way over the line. Mike wasn't aware that any line had been distinguished. Something tells me that if Mike knew there was a line to be drawn in the $10 bets, he wouldn't have been so gung ho to cram that ungreased gerbil up his ass in the infamous unaired pilot episode.

Zipping back to Carol and Jackass: Jackass is asking Carol if she has any plans for the evening. She doesn't, and he lets the cat out of the bag to tell her that he's made reservations for them at Chateau Marzipan or some other fancy French-sounding restaurant. It amazes me that Stuckeyville, a burg of about 30,000 people, has more to offer than my city of 200,000. The fanciest restaurant we have in town is Applebee's. Carol's asking Jackass why they're eating a fancy meal, and he says it's nothing. She's badgering him to give her a freakin' answer just as they run smack into Ed and Mike. It's a good thing nobody was carrying any chocolate or peanut butter or we'd have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups right about now. Ed wants to know what's "nothing." Carol looks ashamed as she says nothing's nothing. The two couples part, and Ed's convinced that the "nothing" they were talking about was indeed something. Mike spots an old man seated on a bench and nudges Ed. Ed whistles at the guy, who's not amused. Ed's not amused. The only one amused is Mike, who hands over a ten-spot to Ed and shifts uncomfortably as another rodent swims around in his colon.

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