Last Chance

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Last Chance

Over at the Goat, Ed and Mike are at the bar. Ed's all jittery, because it's 8:03, and Jackass has probably already proposed to Carol by now. Mike asks if he would wait until after the appetizer. Ed says that while he and Mike would wait until after the appetizer, Jackass wouldn't, because he's "unconventional." Ed says Jackass is probably on bended knee right now, asking Carol to marry him. Mike says "or unbended knee," which confuses Ed, until Mike reminds Ed that Jackass is unconventional. Ed can't believe this is happening, and Mike says that of course it's happening, because Ed always acted like he didn't like Carol, and that's why she found someone else. Ed says he doesn't like Carol; he just doesn't want to lose her. Mike says that Ed had better wake up and smell the week-old coffee, because it's over and done and he can't stop it. Ed thinks for a second and says that, yes, he can stop it. Ed announces their plans to go to Villa de Bardot and stop this crazy guy from proposing to Carol. Ed's clearly intoxicated. It's kinda cute in a way. Like watching Gary Coleman on Ecstasy.

Back at the Bowl, Warren shows up and walks over to Diane and MegaMark. He announces that he hopes they're happy, because he's decided that they can all be friends again. Listen, kids: if you're in a clique at school and the person who calls the shots in your clique is anything like Warren, it's probably time to find a new clique. If you're a guy, offer your services to the school drug dealers. If you're a girl, put out and put out regularly. But remember...always wear a condom. MegaMark is glad that Warren has finally seen the light, and Warren says that he hasn't "seen the light" -- he just didn't have anyone else to hang out with. MegaMark and Diane try to stifle their giggles, to no avail, which makes Warren feel a bit like feces. They all hug and say that it's over and done with and forgotten about and never happened. They walk out of the Bowl with their arms around each other's shoulders. Warren asks MegaMark to get in the middle of the three for "symmetry" purposes. MegaMark goes to take a swing at Warren and runs out of breath before he can get his fist to chest level.

Over at Maison de Cannes Eiffel, Mike and Ed are slowly sliding down the side of the building with their backs to the walls like cat burglars about to pull off a major heist. Ed peeks into the window and sees Jackass and Carol sitting there gabbing and eating. Ed sees Carol's finger and notices that there's no ring on it, so he's not too late. Meanwhile, Mike has called inside and asked the maitre d' to page Jack Ass to the phone, please. Ed describes Jackass as a silver-haired gentleman, dining with a particularly beautiful blonde fraulein. Jackass is paged away, and Ed says he's going in. Meanwhile, Mike has gotten Jackass on the phone; Mike has disguised his voice. Mike tells Jackass that his name is Lamar Ferguson, and that he is the father of one of Jackass's students. There's a pregnant pause, and then Mike blurts, "Lamar Ferguson Jr." It doesn't read as funny as it actually was. Kind of like my autobiography.

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