Last Comic Standing
Auditions #1 and #2

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Auditions #1 and #2

Hey there, comedy fans! Are you ready for some laughs? Chuckles? Chortles? Ha-has? Wonk-wonks? Great! Let's get to the funny.

New host Bill Bellamy, looking svelte, is introduced to an adoring crowd that doesn't seem to mind that he was on MTV about 150 years ago. They are grateful, as am I, that he blazed the trail for Wayne Brady. Before Bellamy can say a word to the audience, he's pulled in for voice-over duty to tell us that for four seasons, thousands of comics have auditioned to be discovered as the funniest person in America. Past contestants too numerous to list make funny faces to adoring crowds who all believe joke-telling has become way too verbal these days. Streamers fall for last season's winner, Josh Blue (who wisely opted not to use the stage name Palsy Pete). Somebody told poor Bellamy that he has to bellow all his voice-overs so loudly that he sounds like Tracy Morgan. Bellamy says we're about to see some funny people, but a woman who makes a joke at her expense about owning cats does not seem to prove his point. One guy makes a Nazi joke. Another makes fun of his own Jerry Seinfeld + Elaine Benes face. Costumes. Monkey head. Seizure-inducing quick-cuts of people you will never, ever pay money to watch. Bellamy says they'll all compete on one international stage (because three would be confusing) for an NBC talent contract. Obligatory NBC (Peacock) Universal Television Studio logo. I don't even know why but I suddenly find myself on the floor bowing. Dudes. I am officially a moneywhore. The winner will also get a Bravo comedy special (suck it, Kathy Griffin) and $250,000! I hope that's real cash money. Bellamy says it's an international search on three continents for one top comic.

Way-too-serious intro music over the opening credits sequence, minus actual credits. Who is the funniest? YOU will decide. You have the power. Don't abuse the privilege. If Sanjaya shows up, you vote him right fuck off! Who will be the Last Comic Standing? If I had to guess, it would be the one with stamina in the legs.

Without a commercial to catch my breath we're at the auditions in New York City. Huddled masses stand outside the Gotham Comedy Club. One guy has a tent and says that this is what it's all about. No, dude. Porn is about pitching a tent. Bill Bellamy talks right at us, wearing a woman's black peacoat and a jaunty red scarf. He asks if we're in New York City. New Yorkers say yes. Bellamy invites us to go check out the comics.

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Last Comic Standing

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